Rudy used to be a Reindeer. He lost his antlers, has a floppy neck , and a missing ear. I got him at the airport the day i met my adoptive parents. It was during a day trip that the red headed social worker took me on. The one I never returned from.
After I got the call from my mother stating “the DNA was wrong and I’m not your mother.” (after 13 years) i just simply returned to searching. With possibly bogus non-id info. i tried not to think too much. I dare to a little here and there for only short periods of time for obvious reasons. I have noticed that she is NOT searching which tells me …nothing actually but does make me wonder if she found a better match or one found her.
Basically I’ve lost/killed 3 mothers so far since my birth. My 1st mother died from septicemia caused by a streptococcal infection origin unknown after a full term otherwise healthy pregnancy. Which means she was my first victim/mother. My 2nd (adopted mother) always told me i was killing her before she actually died. When she didn’t, my adopted father, when he wasn’t telling me how I should be grateful and how i blew every chance they gave me at life, told me I was killing her too. Then after searching I was contacted by someone who “had a feeling” and sent a DNA test. My long lost Birth Mom (so we thought). The test said motherhood confirmation. Now we find out there wasn’t enough markers and that test basically said it was possible. Possible like thousands of other folks kind of possible. So i lost her while I was up here taking care of the estate. That’s three. Unless you count the fact that I’ve thought I was adopted twice for years. That’s a different blog though 🙂
So I told my oldest daughter of my plans to do DNA with all the markers available and uploading to registries because I feel that if there aren’t any matches after all these years there isn’t going to be. Perhaps i’ll at least know where I came from if not who. That is when my daughter said “Wait, you mean we are not Irish and Italian anymore now?” I told her “No we are going to have to go back to being German and English once again. At least until the DNA results come in.” We both agreed that we have strong genes. My genes have over ridden any mate I’ve ever had. We shared a good laugh at that but it’s true really. My children and grand children look like me. A lot. I wonder if my mother looked like us too. I may never know. I may never know what prompted my “reunited mom” to decide to question things especially after she finally convinced me. I had plenty of doubts but finally got to where I believed. I wonder when she said to herself “OMG this thing can NOT be mine!” ? Ah well, better late than never. like I keep saying, I’ll be the roots to my family tree.
I don’t feel adoptees should be more grateful than any other child. One doesn’t tell their natural children how they did them a favor by having them so adoptive parents shouldn’t either. It does something to a child especially a female child for some reason. I’ve lived my life a little too grateful. I was grateful a black eye wasn’t a broken leg. I was grateful enough to not go to the doctor for a concern because at least I’m able to walk. I didn’t want to seem spoiled by taking care of myself. The selfishness of it all don’t ya know. I had my children because I WANTED children. Just like adoptive parents Wanted children but some won’t admit. They’d rather feel, state loudly and often that they rescued them. I can remember my mother telling me how she didn’t “just spread her legs” to have me, Why, she picked me out. i’d ask, “out of a line up?” Well, I didn’t just spread my legs to have my kids either Mom, I did all sorts of things in addition to that. lol
4 search angels have pm’d me saying they feel I should get DNA done. I think they are right. Something is wrong with my search info.
I was told for a long time that my natural mother died of a strep throat and to watch my sore throats. (non id did state something very close) I was also told to be on the look out for a Kline/Klein/Cline because my a-dad overheard the social worker talking and she shut up quick when he entered the room. He also told me that my natural mother was married but the guy felt he couldn’t take care of me by himself. (whah whah whah j/k) They were told my natural parents were musically inclined. (note the cline part of inclined as it might be what he heard while she rehearsed the story lol)
I remember a red haired woman taking me on yet another day trip–this time to an airport. I remember my puppy dog and my teddy that I named Corky and Teddy. They were both all worn out but I loved them. My a parents threw them out soon after as it wasn’t letting me forget, allowing me to hold on to so much of my old life. I remember my new father calling me Susie and saying it sounded enough like Lucy so I wouldn’t be too confused. I remember the red haired woman rushing out the kitchen door and hearing the screen door slam. Before she left me there she had told my new parents that “Soon there will be no memories at all.” I hated that woman lol. I wasn’t so sure about these new people either and where the hell is Johnny and David. Funny I can’t remember who they even were but those names stuck with me. They used to hide me when the paper boy came to collect because somehow I believed he knew where my home was. My new parents tried to give me a bottle and I laughed. They did too and threw it out after I told them “that’s for babies” That social worker told them I may regress and need security. She was right but it took many years for those things to happen 😉 I remember quite a bit of things but some things I can’t tell if they were dreams or movies or what. I don’t try to mention those things much (They’ll go in my book which will certainly be fiction based on fact–I’m not THAT foolish) The dreams and “iffy” memories are doozies as they say.
My non-id from the state of NY states that my mother was 5’4″, hazel eyes, light brown hair, protestant 10th grade factory worker who was 32 at time of my birth and that she died of sepsis in early 1967. No extended family to take me. No info on siblings placement. No info on father. So her life span was approx 1933-1967. It doesn’t actually state where anyone was born. Adoption handled by Onondaga County Social Services in Syracuse NY. It was final December 13, 1968.
My amended BC states my adopted parents name and the city they lived in when I was adopted. They were both born in PA. My birth time was friday 9-30-1966 @7:30 AM and my weight was 8 lbs 2 ozs.
Things that sound true are her having a bunch of kids (I do too) Birth weight (All my kids were over 8 lbs) Eye color about right (all of us have greenish eyes) Hair color (ours are all more of a dirty blonde)
Our Traits, starting with me, are us girls are all 5′ 8″ or more and all my sons are 6′ and over slightly. We all have a little space between our central incisors. We are all creative/artistic. We all have thick hair and most of us have curly kinky hair. We all seem to be thinkers and are (in my case WAS) especially strong. Notably strong where people comment on it.
I feel that the dates and places are off.
I’ve actually looked in the mirror a few times lately saying “Now wait, what is it I look like again?” It’s almost like a doubt. Like when I was little and I wondered if I really existed all over again. Hard to explain.
I was raised alone. It was a really secluded time for me..my childhood. I was always told not to “mingle with outsiders” I got to go to public school where I studied these creatures that I knew where “peers”. I tried to understand them. i did OK. School work was a breeze although i resented being programmed, i was allowed to watch neighborhood kids play outside from the window as I listened to how their parents didn’t care about them and how lucky I was to have parents who cared. I was allowed to get phone calls once in a while but I had to wait as my mother would count out loud “1 2 3” then motion that I could pick up the phone the same time she did (so the other party wouldn’t hear her picking it up) I used to call her “the warden” It helped me develop a sense of humor. It demanded that I developed one actually. I recall one time asking for permission to scream just once like i hear other kids do. She let me and that was nice of her. We bonded with our goofy sense of humor. I focus on that because I need to. We really had a blast during those chats. I remember a lot.
The truth is I just want to know. That is all. i want to see a photo. Something. Just to know. I never was one to “mingle” and I’m certain I won’t develop some pushy get together type behavior. I truly have never known what it was to have siblings of my very own and I’m a tad too old now to figure out. But it would still be nice to know. To see a photo. They say “get in where you fit in”….I know how to stay out. But it would be nice to peek in. Perhaps a glimpse.
I fit in with the family I created. My children pets and grand children. Even my exes and in laws. I’m content for the most part and I have a lot. I’ve even got a garden and way cool patio furniture lol
I try not to HATE NY state for their stupid sealed records. History is history and truth is truth. Denying it or Lying about it doesn’t change it. It protects no one except crooks and kidnappers to keep the truth of my birth from me. I want to know. This silly idea that my siblings will register with the state registry and they will actually contact me is not likely to happen. It’s been years. If my mother is dead then SHE CAN’T SIGN IT. Are they going to wait until every last one of us are dead? The judge-the social worker-the lawyer are all DEAD. What is the problem? Enough time has passed that they can just simply blame any wrong doing on a dead person. They have no problem with lying, so Give UP my OCB! Chicken $H*ts they are.