I’m officially fishing in all three pools. I’m on gedmatch. I’m waiting. My first 3 closest matches after my second cousin are private. I got a lot of people sharing genomes with me and for that I’m grateful. I’ve lost 8 cousins from my 23andMe list although I’m no where near the 1000 cap people speak of. I lost them a couple of days ago and no new matches since. I’ve heard that usually happens when you have 1000 and only with your more distant ones. These were not the most distant ones and I’m no where near the cap. One woman on a forum said that it usually means you’ve sent an invite and they ran, pulling their data from the pool, leaving town and joining the witness protection program. I thought that was funny but a friend corrected that. They said it was the “witless protection program.”
I’ve always thought the origins part of the DNA was a fun fact for sharing or something out of curiosity. And it is usually I’m sure. But it is so much more/less to some. I stumbled upon this by looking up a cousin and looking to see what cousins we share. I got poking around and found another interesting website that they frolicked about at. Seems a lot of the participants of this mailing list did their dna. How nice I thought. Could be a surname project or something. So I’m reading and reading and READING. Must be the WHITE family. Interesting. Still reading. Oh. My. God. I am so stupid. Not the WHITE family. But, the white family. Discussing their whiteness. No, really, it was that. THAT. So apparently white supremacists use modern technology too now a days. Wow. After finding this and other sites and codes and semi-secret languages, I realize that all that innocent sharing may not be that innocent. Yes, I’m naive at times at least until I’m not. So, could it be that some of those ignored invites and emails could be due to something other than them not getting the message? Or not being into genealogy? Or being selfish? Or being dead? Or due to them feeling you are too hard (distant) to figure out a connection with? Or too proud to admit a NPE? Could it instead be that they did in fact not only get the correspondence but took a little peak at your origins? Check you out and make a conscience decision to snub you due to your origins? Are you not of the correct ethnicity? It is possible. Very possible. I had no idea. The thought had sort of crossed my mind but I was thinking “surely not”. Surely possible! People are but a strange silly group of beings. If one group does it, others may very well do it. So don’t ever feel bad about ignored messages, you simply may not be ________enough. Fill that in with whatever. Truth is truth.
What gets me is how a family may not consider you a “real” relative because of a lack of paper trail. As I’ve said before, a paper trail is something you make when you step on toilet paper in a public restroom. But all the other things their ancestors did are quite fine. When you deny or revise history it is called Lying. It happened. Truth. I read where this man said that he knows for fact what his great grandparents did before his grandparents were even born. He knew without a doubt what they didn’t do. Really? You don’t even know what your child is doing when not in your presence. How could you possibly know this? Oh yes, it wasn’t written down. I do lots of things I don’t write down. At work it was said if it isn’t written down, it didn’t happen. I know a lot of things that didn’t happen were also written down. Now what? I know, the world is pink and fuzzy and no one ever lies and nothing ever goes wrong. Got it.
So as I looked at my lack of close cousins, I got to thinking of fellow adoptees in search for siblings in NY. I was going to buy one a test. Apparently she found her only sibling and a dead mother. She “knows” she did. There were no more siblings or half siblings. No DNA. So her search is over. Ok. Another one I emailed. He is giving up on his search as he feels hopeless. I can relate. He has not done DNA. I’m thinking in my head “For the love of God do DNA. Why would you trust methods that haven’t worked in all these years? Why do you believe anything you were told that have NOT panned out in all these years? Why would you wait for some record of anything that may have been falsified anyways?” Instead I just tried to nudge him gently. I get it, I do. But it just gets me that my siblings, if they have ever even existed have given up, didn’t do DNA, or think they were reunited and really weren’t. Or they are looking under false information or worse yet, correct information that there is no way their adopted out siblings would know. Every time I see “I’m ISO Firstname Lastname of Ihavenowayofknowing City, SomestateIwouldn’tknow born to the BirthnameIhavenoknowlegeof. If you are that person please contact me” it just kills me inside. Like anyone knows their birth name or parents or siblings’ or location let alone the hospital etc.
I’ve learned something else, all over again at that. There are still quite a few people who would love nothing more than to hinder your search. Sabotage your efforts and sway you. Believe it. They will even pose as adoptees or helpers. They are still out there. You’ll recognize them when you see them and hopefully soon enough. They fish for information to see how much you know and figure out what they need to hide/block. Sounds paranoid I know. That is why it works. If someone tells you a method is ridiculous, beware, as you may be too close to something they want to hide. I think it would be smart if everyone in search had a blood relative like a child on gedmatch with an alias and a different email. Just to see who may contact them about you and to see what they say. Just something to think about. Wouldn’t that be a trip to get an email referring to your own gedmatch number and to hear how you are trouble or something like that? I’m sure they wouldn’t say “Hide there is that orphan/foundling hot on your trail” but perhaps they would put some kind of fear in them in order to manipulate/ hinder. That would suck. You figure people get blacklisted all the time. Why not for this too? I know, one shouldn’t entertain these thoughts. But then again I shouldn’t have to do a lot of things.