More than little Pink and Blue people

FTDNA is having huge problems. I lost all my matches–did a bug report and got them back half a day later. Later that night, my daughters matches disappeared. She had all her new matches for a few days including me. However she has yet to appear in my matches. Now this. To top it all off, I got an email a few minutes ago announcing my new matches on FTDNA. I get there and not only are there no new matches since the 22nd but my daughter’s matches are still missing. My project updates when clicked on say “Houston there’s a problem” or something or other. Seems like they fix one thing and another breaks. I can’t do a bug report for my kit with the missing matches because it uses the same email as the one that they fixed. It comes back as “closed” due to this. I like FTDNA’s straight forward tools and want to recommend them so their database grows. Between them being so slow and having these problems it’s hard to refer anyone to them right now. My matches are more than little pink and blue people to collect on a tree. They are clues to my past-my heritage. I messaged their facebook page as that is where they urged us all to send in bug reports. My mtDNA came in earlier than what they delayed it too. As I figured, my 0 distance matches either don’t match me on FF or haven’t done the FF. It’s Ok as I know that there are 3 people who are my haplogroup U5b2c2b from Ireland and Poland. FTDNA only reports the u5b2c2 but James Lick has the more current U5B2C2b. I never seem to get any new 4th or closer matches on ancestry or 23andme.

I’m waiting on snail mail concerning my “updated” non id. My DNA expert guy is out of town and hopefully will return soon to work on my mother’s side. He has come up with the same candidates for my birth father and an additional one for a mother. If It’s J then he had 2 woman pregnant at the same time. I was born 4 months before his daughter with another woman. He is the most likely. He has 3 kids by other women. His brother (B) was married and had 3 children to the same woman all those years. He is less likely. There is a slight chance that I am the daughter of these brother’s Maternal 1st cousin (S). She is the least likely but only because of location and the lack of info. We have to follow the X here so those are the 3. Either one of those brother’s would give me 3 half siblings and 3 1st cousins. That is IF they aren’t adopted. There is another possibility and that is if their mother had put a mystery child up for adoption unknown to anyone. I have given it a lot of thought and have decided there really is no good way to contact them. One wife is still living and the other (J) we don’t know although I know they were separated when he died. I know it could possibly help to nail this birth father down but then again not really. A guy can get anyone pregnant anywhere. If they weren’t an “item” and it sounds like they weren’t, then who would know? Also, it could be some other circumstance. I don’t see any point in bothering the sibs/1st cousins from this side. I’m focused on my mother and the 4 sibs from her side. There is an Aunt (J and B’s sister) who could possibly know but she could also spread the word and slam the door so to speak in my face rather quickly.  Knowing it’s one of the 3 mentioned is enough for now. Perhaps one day I’ll offer to buy a kit for one of the birth father’s kids but I need to know what happened to my mother first. Without knowing this it could be a nightmare for all involved. The “What ifs” can drive one mad here. Just now as I write this I’m thinking of an entirely different possibility and it involves an unknown Helen–spouse of the least likely candidate’s father. This could be vital as I am looking at a few Helens on my dna trees. These are the things I need answered before I approach anyone. I’m making progress though. Lots of set backs but I’m getting there. No matter what candidate is the one, I now know that I have a few more siblings than just the 4 🙂

I named this little art diary doodle “I Exist.” Believe it or not, I do as did my mother despite any denial.

Doodle in my little Art Diary. I mod podged it to death and then edited in picasa to make up for it :-)

Doodle in my little Art Diary. I mod podged it to death and then edited in picasa to make up for it 🙂

A Trip down Memory Freakin’ Lane. 1

I’m not finding any real answers today. so I did a little reminiscing. For some odd reason, I’m remembering more than  I want to. Somehow. I’m not one to dwell. I was taught many things  growing up. I was taught to keep outsiders out. I was taught if something ever went wrong or I got into trouble of any kind, no matter what I said, never tell them I’m adopted or they will blame everything on that. I was almost drilled on some points. I was told “Now here is what you’ll say…”  I was taught to have no interest in my natural family that my adopted parents were my real parents, after all, my mother didn’t “just spread her legs” to have me. I was taught to always be grateful and to know how lucky I got it. No matter what happens in life, I have no right to complain as “”it could always be worse.”

“Today is the big day” the social worker? said to me in a vehicle. We had just left a big place with weird counters and aisle-like things. Sorry, I was rather short at the age of 18 months. I’m not sure but I think she said something about “this time you won’t be coming back and to not worry, it is OK.” I think she told me to be polite. I remember the kitchen and the couple in there. The social  worker (if that is who she was) talked a while in the kitchen  with them.  For some reason, I thought I was leaving with her again  despite her saying  what she did earlier. Kids are weird like that. She told them not to call me any name at first so as not to confuse me. She asked if they had picked one out.   I remember for fact her saying ” Soon she will have no memories at all.” She told them that they try not to send old toys as it tends to make children linger in old ways and lives. She said “she is young enough that this shouldn’t be a problem.” There was always a lot of whispering going on around me, pointing, smiling, “aweing” and the words “she” “her” “herself” were used. A lot. I was quite the item. Item. I remember that day but not one damn day before them. I grew to resent this woman because she turned out to be right, soon there were no memories at all. I tried to run after her when her leg slipped through the screen door before slamming shut. I was with the new couple. My adopted father said, “You are Susie now.” My mother said “Bill, she said not to yet.” He answered “Well Lucy Susie, sounds the same right? It’s close enough isn’t it, Susie? Lucy, what a name, Jesus.” My new mother said something about my clothes and how they were “Niiice clothes” but we are going to dress you right now. She bathed me and undid my hair and griped about it somehow.  I was Susie now. Story goes the back of my head was bald and Amom said it was from tying it up too tight. She baby oiled the back of my head due to some advice from the doctor or something. Dr Root. I remember him. I went to see him a lot before he retired. Then it was Dr Levy. I had roseolla on my face and “nervous bowels” . I used to call my Adad Bull as I always heard my Amom calling for him. I liked my Uncle.  My mother’s sister’s husband. He came over and acted silly bringing me new red sneakers. I liked him and them. They weren’t those patent leather things I had to sport all the time with my new parents. They were quite cool red sneakers. I called him Wa. That was his name. I can name folks too right? Isn’t that how life goes? New names for everyone. I liked the paper boy as I just knew that he new my way home. I used to call him Johnny even though that wasn’t his name. He was nice to me but my new parents apologized to him for me bothering him. He said it was alright but they hid me when he came to collect just the same. I knew I was looking for two boys who names sounded like Johnny and David. I often wonder if they were foster siblings. Maybe they were siblings. I have to say “sounded like” because who knows with such a child who didn’t speak clearly. I must not have, as my Aparents didn’t seem to understand a thing I said for quite some time. I had lots of dreams of places and things. I used to cry when I watched certain movies or shows. I loved heidi but would cry cause she left the farm. My Aparents got a regular kick out of that. “Tell them how you cried when Heidi left the farm, Susie. Oh GOD did she carry on. Hahaha, she was really going on about it. Right Susie? Fresh kid you. hahahaha.”  Yeah, hahahahaha. I was such a great source of entertainment. I was like a little weird science project. Or perhaps a social experiment gone wrong. Hahahahaha.

A little bit of progress

23andmeAncestry

I made it to step five ahead of 2 of my kits that were ahead of me. They have now made it to 4.5. I am getting little results here and there like the one above. Still not really German…. This one shows more Irish than the others seems like. It’s Northern Europe like the others. What happened to my Scandinavian thingy? lol It goes to show, the longer you have to wait on results the less Scandinavian you become lol If I waited any longer there is no telling what I’d be. 😉

I’m now a hair more Neanderthal as well. 2.4% I think I believe the geno 2.0 (2.3%) more as it includes my Denisovan 1.5 % as well. I’m still U5B2C2 but they left off the last 2. A lady and I shared genomes before my results even came in due to us sharing this haplogroup –a few surnames and locations in common and the fact we are just cool like that.

I have been contacted by a DNA pro willing to do a little pro bono work. This will definitely help as I’m going cross eyed with my results. I hope he doesn’t die when he sees my “methodology” tree. I’m thinking he will notice the same things I have but will understand the connections better. He will definitely spot things I haven’t or that I didn’t know meant anything. There is a little pedigree collapse here and there with my Quaker side. It worries me. But because of knowing this I automatically go back a few more gens than I probably need to. There are a few big families that seem to connect me with most of my dna matches. A chick/sibling here and there marrying into their family trees. Way back there are always Ball-Dodge-Lewis-Randall-Briggs-and Wrights. I’m afraid of all the Clarks-Moores-Smiths and Tuttles.

I’m hoping for one more close match and also my “updated” non id.  Patience. I have no new what I call “first pagers” in my matches.

I still check for results a few times per day as I’ve given in to the idea that I’m not going to stop. 🙂

When I was waiting for my FTDNA results I didn’t check near  as often. I knew they were going to take forever.  It was when i was offline the results came in and I found out by a new cousin contacting me about our match. She knew before I did.

I occasionally get emails that state “I’ve read your profile  and I’d love to help with this so I’m working my tree out more for you. You are definitely on my _____ side.” These are so helpful yet they set me looking down a different trail. I sometimes lose my spot lol The latest is a Nelson and yes, I’ve wondered about this branch/line before. Still haven’t found the mrca.

It will all connect soon.

Down the Basement Stairs….

I woke up in the wee hours of the morning and before I flung myself down the basement stairs I decided to take one last look at my laptop. I checked 23andMe —still demoted to step 3. My son’s kit is still suck on step 4 NOT 4.5 but 4. New remote matches on ancestry. I had already 2nd 3rd and 4th guessed myself on everything I ever thought about this whole thing. I was ready to un-attach myself from my little pretend person on my DNA tree. I checked FTDNA and seen my upgrade of course wasn’t ready and no new matches that were close. This time when I checked  my projects I decided  to google the only U5b2c2 match I had because it appeared on a New York state project. I don’t know if this person also did FF and just doesn’t match or if she only did mtdna. Which ever it was I checked out her tree anyways. Just about all the surnames in my matches were there. The Irish connection that my 3rd cousins and I have been looking for may very well be a FRENCH from Ireland. I added only her daughters and their daughters down the lines. I added notes. The only males I added were the ones needed to show any possible daughter’s surnames if by chance they were not recorded. I did add the first hubby and sons just in case they turn out to be on my matches’ trees. I saw a lot of similarities in facial features when I looked them all up on find a grave. That little spark of hope. The one that made me forget about the cellar steps. 🙂 I made another discovery. That second cousin is probably a 3rd or 4th. I share another cousin from a different side of her tree. They mingled lol The woman in Ireland may have also had sisters, aunts and certainly had a mother. It’s entirely possible I come off of them too. But this is something. Something more than what I had.  I have some more to keep my eyes peeled for. One of the surnames down the tree is Born. I have a Living Born in my tree now and I like that. It doesn’t show anything that matches my non id for my mother but of course nothing does at all ever. My mother most likely will never appear on anyone’s tree but mine. Someday.

I Flunked

Out of 3 kits One made it to step 4 so far On 2-21-2015
Both other Kits just made it to step 4 today! 2/24/2015
All still on step 4 3/02/2015
California Lab
My kit just flunked and got sent back to step 3 not enough DNA 3-03-2015.

Susan, our laboratory attempted to isolate DNA from your saliva sample. Unfortunately, the sample did not yield sufficient quantities of DNA.

Your sample is going through a second round of DNA isolation.

So now my DNA is faulty. I wondered why people were passing me and going to step 4.5 within a few days when their kits were received after mine. I hope this isn’t the case with my other kit. Not even held back but DEMOTED to step 3. I have no idea what happened. I tested at 3 other companies successfully. Must have been a bad DNA day for me. Or maybe they didn’t do something right when isolating it. Who knows? I hope this round works and I don’t have to spit in that stupid thing again. Good GAWD. I joined the little 23andMe groups now they probably think I’m a scammer with no kit who just wants to clone them all! There really was no way to study for this test. I don’t know what I could have done differently in order to pass. Maybe it will succeed this time and go quickly. If it’s their error, I hope someone else does it this time or the one who did it the first time has advanced in their skills. Maybe I’m dying of some strange disease and my DNA is diminishing before the final slumber. I’m trying to move Forward not backward. My spit has failed me? Oh brother. Or sister? I won’t know until my results come in!!!

Happy Valentine’s Day

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Now it’s not only Valentine’s Day but a Saturday night. Get off of gedmatch so I can get on lol My cousin from Ancestry who was 10 matches up from my 3rd cousin on FTDNA and Gedmatch, finally uploaded  to gedmatch. She is not ready for one to many (last I knew) but I was able to see some things and compare her to my matches. She doesn’t share as much cM as  I thought she would. So what does that mean? Does it mean that the 10 people between her and my other cousin  are only 1cM apart? Wow Whee. I waited for someone to mail  something off for me. Hmm hmm. And they slow walked me. For WEEKS. Finally, they shipped not only that certain item for me, but their kits that I paid for them to take. Yay. So I will be in all 3 pools plus have a couple of known relatives in there too. Should be very interesting  to see. Ancestry trees are helpful but not nearly as important as FTDNA’s data. I like to see how long a block and how much cM without having to pester and provide tutorials to matches to get them on gedmatch. To an adoptee with no name, it’s vital to see how much a match and I share. The trees on ancestry are good, but would be better if we all were on a huge wiki type tree. DNA attached. Sure there would be blunders here and there. But it would all but sound off buzzers when you actually connected. Finding that MRCA would be a lot easier. I got in huge trouble using member connect on ancestry and also the merge feature. Thought I was being a regular smarty pants. Then…..I had to get rid of some wives and “twins” and mother in laws as siblings and mothers as spouses. That last one was because of the “member connect” who was tripping when they did exactly what I was doing. I got most of it fixed without losing too many legit 2nd and 3rd spouses. But when your eyes start watering and you are nodding out, it’s best to quit any methodology you may be working on. And getting carried away with lol

Chr Start Location End Location Centimorgans (cM) SNPs
3 3533555 7506715 10.5 1445
5 73151031 107169632 32.6 6621

Largest segment = 32.6 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 43.0 cM
Estimated number of generations to MRCA = 4.2

Above is my cousin (Female) on ancestry who is next in line after my 2nd cousin. She does not match her and shares no X with me. We have determined that we match through a Moore/Ellsworth of NY. Possibly their son Otis but not his wife a Mahaney.

About 10-15 people down is my ftdna cousin (Male) who has that adopted great grandfather on his mother’s side.

Chr Start Location End Location Centimorgans (cM) SNPs
13 30545353 74577343 43.8 10739

Largest segment = 43.8 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 43.8 cM
Estimated number of generations to MRCA = 4.2

He does not share on X either nor does he match my second cousin or my Above cousin.

I can’t wait until my cousin (Female) is ready for one to many so I can do more with the data. I’d like to see where they put her. I wonder why Ancestry put her so fare above the rest? They did this before I had any name that matched or circles. The only 2 circles I have are of people who match on my second cousin’s side. Flint/Hart. that is my Rodman Lewis Reed Patchin Phelps West etc.

I don’t do a lot with my second cousins data because her tree is a contradiction to itself within itself and other’s trees who share ancestors. I don’t know what to believe. Even the census makes it unclear who is who or with who. Tons of servents and borders and name changes (nicknames and typos?) Cousins/nieces lived with inlaws etc. I seem to connect with her on all sides. Makes me wonder if we just “share too much DNA” and not truly that close. Crossed lines so to speak? Quakers with tons of kids. Very difficult. She says she has no clue and that she didn’t research whatever side I’m on. i know I’m on that one side but maybe the other also. There are some Clarks, Wheelers, and Tuttles complicating  things. I have two different Hawkins lines in there also.

Chr Start Location End Location Centimorgans (cM) SNPs
4 16777099 34640744 20.8 3624
5 110660142 122475673 10.5 2686
5 159293063 166764272 9.4 1712
8 18402373 26415074 13.7 2663
9 4080724 22002051 33.9 6305
9 77532718 85911749 12.1 2262
14 32497368 57124732 25.4 5816
14 93508235 96686114 8.7 1304
16 13512559 26879594 21.1 2898
19 53609969 61067752 27.7 2390

Largest segment = 33.9 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 183.5 cM
Estimated number of generations to MRCA = 3.1

We Do share on X

Chr Start Location End Location Centimorgans (cM) SNPs
X 3113318 21971664 30.1 2631

Largest segment = 30.1 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 30.1 cM Actual.

So I figured since we shared on X that she might get it from her father who gets it from his mother but not his dad and so on. So there is 3 grands But we share a Great. So I went back and said well the x can be from her grandmother but NOT her grandfather and his Dad. But there is the Great grandmother on that side. BUT she feels we are connected through her grandfather’s bro and was wiling to have her 1st cousin (male) test if I paid for it. So I had to think about that X and the fact that I don’t seem to share many surnames on that side. Her  paternal  Grandfather and his Bro got X from the mother(Great) But could not have passed it to her through the Father. Yeah, so I look at my other cousins. It’s a shame as we share a lot of DNA.

I wonder since the two female cousins don’t match each other and one shares X with me and one doesn’t if they share on chromosome 5 on different sides. I feel the second cousin is on my Father’s side (lots of cousins on  this side) and the Other one is on my mother’s side (hardly any cousins on this side). The fella I think is on my father’s side too but too far back to match my second cousin. It seems like it’s on his adopted Great grandfather’s side (hahaha). I have other cousin’s that were convinced I  was on their father’s side but it turns out I was on that side that connects to my second cousin. Again too far back to match her. Rodman.  Always a Rodman lol I found a living Rodman who seemed very interested until I offered to pay for a DNA test for them. Haven’t heard a thing since. Maybe they will surprise me and just appear in my matches one day. I feel we would at least be 1st cousins  or something.

I have a nice big group of cousins who all match on chromo 10. Don’t know what is so special about that place yet.

I’ve sent away for an obit of a person who has very little posted online. She will ruin every theory I have. I don’t know if this is easy to follow or not but here it goes. I’m pretty sure I have those Reed/Rodmans in my DNA. the one suspect to be my grandmother married a Ketcham. Quite a few of his ancestors are in my cousins trees. Looks right. Ketcham father. Possibly mating with a Graham/Peltier Or Rowe (Moore decedent) My mother. Really not sure about that. BUT this person ruins this whole theory because–She is the sister of the Reed of Reed/Rodman AND she married a MOORE. Crap. If she is my grandmother and she connects these two “sides” it ruins everything. Because now we are left needing another “side” Still my mother. This is where my second cousins tree that has two different women down as bio mom of these female sibs destroys my search. It’s important. My mother’s Mother has to have the right haplogroup U5b2c2. How I know these girls  don’t  have that? My second cousin. These girls are her grandmother’s sister’s. If they share her mother (and they should) they are not my haplogroup. Another reason I believe it’s on my father’s side. Anything goes if it’s a male from that side (grandfather). BUt It points to one of these sisters (female Reeds) if NOT a male Rodman.

A search angel that keeps in touch with me and has access to my DNA etc. is concerned about the lack of any sign of my mother. Was I born in Canada? Germany? England? Scotland? Was I born here but she from another country? She is off the grid. All this genealogy going on and no one 1934-1967 in the state of NY who matches at all ever? These older siblings…they don’t remember their mother being prego just a few short months  before she died? If she died in Jan 1967 I was born on the last day of Sept the year prior. I was 3 months old. The sibs were at the very least 2 4 6 and 8. Most likely older. Where they gone? Did they actually die in infancy? Were we all shipped off? Was I the only one shipped off and they never seen their mother prego? Did she die in prison? Was I born in prison? Was I kidnapped? Was my mother told I was stillborn? Did she just die last week? It’s maddening. Traditional search never worked because there were no mutual searchers. At least not with info like mine. I’m disregarded because they are looking for anyone but a female born on September 30, 1966 with a dead mother. I found a fellow born on my birthday but a few years prior in NY. I wrote him (replied through his search query) No response. He just posted the thing. He disregarded me because of non id. Such trust we put in a system who lies to us about everything else. They sealed the  records. What makes us think they felt a need to give us the truth. Why? They are not accountable. Why would  they be when we aren’t to find out the truth anyways? They could tell us any old thing. How would we know? But still, we disregard each other, just the way it was intended.

I wanted to go home. I was too young to know my way. They say my name was Lucinda.

I wanted to go home. I was too young to know my way. They say my name was Lucinda.

Still at it…..An update…

This time I found a potential cousin using information from my DNA matches but he has not tested. His wife has a great tree on Ancestry. So I was brave and contacted her. She replied pretty quick and it sounds like they are interested/curious. I know this because she said “We are curious” lol. This is great news for me. I explained that due to a common ancestor with a different cousin then her husbands I’ve focused now on that surname. This may turn out to be my Birth father’s side. I’m thinking her husband could be a closer match than my second cousin. His wife seems to be great at genealogy. Her tree is well cited and it’s complete with some photos and accurate information. We exchanged emails and I’m now waiting for her to check things out. Her keen eye may spot something I couldn’t. Plus it helps to actually have a tree 🙂 Perhaps he will test and this will either rule them out or NOT. Not would be nice.

Last night I took a walk down memory lane and shared some memories with a friend about my childhood. OOPS. She now understands my sense of humor. I need it. I learned it at a young age. She asked and off I went. I shared a minor story or two. I forget sometimes how unique my upbringing was. But so be it. Twasn’t so bad. Just a lot of head games. It was hard raising my parents but I got through.. 🙂

I have things coming and going in this house. I went nuts looking for my cash box with my fancy inks/pens/markers in it. Never did find it.  I wanted to include a little creativity in my life before I go mad. Everything is packed away and nothing is really set up here as I would like it. I can’t just mosey over to any one place in this house and just create. It’s a chore to create a spot and get everything out and put it back. Not like home. I have things more convenient there.

The Grand baby and Furry Kids seem to be happy. Food, Fun, and Going bye bye seem to be enough to keep them happy. They have no idea why I get online so much lately though. I bribe them all so I can. I also stay up late so I can. 🙂

FTDNA finally completed the Geno 2.0 transfer so now my U5B2C2 is proudly displayed and searchable. No new matches on there, Gedmatch or ancestry. They are probably all on 23andme. I may have to include them in my search as soon as money permits. I have a few mouths to feed first.

I’ve been going through on FTDNA and putting notes everywhere. It helps to determine for example if a male matches me on x then I at least know to look on his mother’s side. I have seen a few kits managed by someone else and I hope they at least put the sex right of the actual DNA. It worries me a little on some of them.  If they are married on their little tree (if they have one) it helps determine the sex if they have a username that could be anything along with a photo of a couple. I always think Wow. Just Wow. I don’t want to think of a couple’s DNA for some reason lol Not to mention the little pink or blue person is gone. I have one that is not married and has a photo of a couple. That is not cool but at least I didn’t share x with this person as it would leave a question mark  in my notes. I match a couple of U5s and one U5B2 something else. A lot of people don’t test for that so that isn’t too helpful. I wonder if the U5b2 is close enough? I’m thinking of testing my oldest daughter with FF +FSM just to see how accurate it is. I worry it may confuse things for me further though. She may end up closer to my matches than I am. Then what?

My ex natural mother finally logged into her account and discovered her 2nd kit was lost in the mail. She is getting another one she says. I told her straight out it’s driving me crazy not knowing if she was at least a distant or remote cousin for that joke test years ago to show us as a match. We did match on 3 markers (if those lotus things were markers). We were not “qualifying people” but like I’ve said in prior posts, we had no clue. It was a peace of mind test. What peace of mind is it to have inconclusive results that look like you are mother and daughter? I wonder how many other people have been “reunited” with these bogus results. I’d hate to think my sibling was “reunited” years ago and quit looking based on those results.

This was that "peace of mind" test that offered no Peace of mind. See the confusion for two searchers longing for family?

This was that “peace of mind” test that offered no Peace of mind. See the confusion for two searchers longing for family?

The assumption of motherhood confirmed. Not nice, people. Not nice.

That was then and this is now. Now I’m fishing a bigger pool. Still would like to know if we are connected at all genetically. Seems we were no more likely related than thousands of others. Or would it just be hundreds? Maybe she will actually send her kit in this time and we’ll see.