So I found the above interesting article. Also, I know how to spell what I feel like. I joined a group for adoptees and paid 5o bux to do so. They have a facebook group that they added me to. The thing is (there is always a thing isn’t there?) I feel like I’m being stopped in a junior high hallway without a hall pass. I thought I’d share some of my updates and ask a question (like all the cool members do) I was met with “Are you a member?” Yes i gave you money and we talked back and forth. My facebook addy is the same as my email so there shouldn’t be any confusion there. I didn’t say all that, I simply said “Yes”. Then I was met with “Did you post to our group?” uh, you’re reading it, right? But no, I answered “This is the right group isn’t it?” No answer. In fact, no response from anyone. I went through and read the other members post and they were all met with friendly responses and helpful/supportive replies. Mine seemed to fit in ok but for some reason, i was shunned like a leper. So I paid to be an outcast. A horrible outcast to which should be shunned. I deleted my post along with the comments. I have no idea what the heck the group is for and why only certain people can post. I wonder if there is anyone else who gets this? if not, it’s nice to be unique but I’d prefer to at least know the reason. If it’s a clique than they shouldn’t charge new members. I have no idea what to think. I must have over looked some social cue. I shouldn’t have to (nor should anyone else) be that careful. Walk on eggshells and do detective work in order to properly post in a FB group? Really? I’m feeling a tad sensitive perhaps. The last place you’d think you’d get this is an adoptee group. Don’t we encounter enough of this in other areas of life? Do we have to get this within an adoptee group? It should be some form of safe haven. I can go anywhere to be rejected, I don’t need to take it there lol I’ll get over it, of course, but I’m somewhat of an introvert to begin with. Blatant rejection for no apparent reason or for mere sport doesn’t set well.
Speaking of being a reject……..:-)
I got a good 2nd cousin match 204 shared cM. Since she is a live person and may want to shun me later at some time lol I will refer to her as BigW. She is a pro genealogist. She emails back here and there but I try not to pester her too much. She did express after comparing “our in common with” matches and so forth that she felt it would be between two son’s of her great aunt’s. i can’t seem to find them per se but I did figure out that her great Aunt is only a half sib of her grandmother. A person who knows DNA better than I do (as does most of the world I fear) took a look and decided we can exclude her paternal grandfather because of our x matches on the chromo browser. Also note BigW and I both only did Family Finder (FF) on FTDNA. So we were down to 3 of her grandparents. We still don’t know if we are looking for my mother or father at this point. Nor do we know if it’s her paternal grandmother or one of her maternal grandparents (both). It is likely, accordiing to her that my Father is coming from one of her Great Half aunt’s sons.
I’ve been playing around with my matches. My next highest matches 72cM down to about 65cM do not match BigW. I’m going through and making notes on certain things such as an Unknown Father, Adoptees and NYS. Alot of surnames show up in my matches. The problem is, if my highest match is my father than the mother could be anyone. Another thing is no one has ties to Syracuse except one that could be my grandmother (if it’s the right identity) She had left to stay with her aunt and uncle at the age of 16. They did live in Syracuse and it’s a common name of REED. She would have had just enough time to give birth to a child that had just enough time to have one of my parents in the 1930’s. That is a complication right there. One, it gets rid of the two boys (which would be older sibs to this person) and two, The baby she had would have been out of wedlock and most likely relinquished. No name. But, DNA. This child or it’s offspring would not have name attached to any tree of theirs. Even a census would show only the new legal name. If the child was on a census under “border” it would still be that families census name.
It would be hard for a family to miss a female family member with 4 children even if she gave up the fifth. However, any male family member could go out and make a baby or two. Easy to miss with that. That is why everyone feels it must be a male in their family.
My matches that don’t match her don’t necessarily mean they are my opposite parent’s line. Or does it? That is the data I’m playing around with right now and I’ll tell you, I’m confused to say the least. When it becomes clear, something throws off what ever theory i develop. I am reading and understanding DNA itself more and more. The genealogy is just as confusing with the way people record events. Dates names and places are sometimes off. Hard to get good documentation at times AND connect to trees and so forth.
When I get a little further i’m going through my notes (old skool notebooks) and I’m putting together a private tree. I’ll take it public for a few minutes at a time to get “hints” then make it private again. It will be called “The Iffy Family Tree” that will help. These people i’m dealing with are not fellow adoptees in search so I have to be careful. They may be birth families in hiding for all I know. The ones doing genetic genealogy though should be pretty welcoming. But not definitely so. One of my 3rd cousins seems to also think it’s my father that connects us BUT she does not match BigW or anyone I have in common with her. This 3rd cousin we will call WAGNER. She was very helpful, even sending me a file to keep handy to look for 4th cousin names. She even matched me on myorigins and provided a possible reason for my 2% Turkish thing. She is 4%. Which she has closer ties to the Dutchman that did it lol WAGNER actually emailed me before I had even seen my results so I feel more welcomed to ask her questions as they come up.
Very interesting stuff. My GEDMATCH is F373715 but I can still only do one on one. So anyone, feel free to one on one me. 🙂 I’m waiting on that and I had also done a nat geo test and am waiting on it. I will have it transfered to FTDNA and I’m not sure if Gedmatch does that one or not. That may help with the maternal side and figuring out what side is what. I’m very new to having a family, calling anyone Cousin (feels good no matter how distant), DNA and genealogy. I’m learning but slowly. I have to get things straight in my head at times. I feel like life is just there to break my concentration. I get it so clear in my head and I’m on a roll and then it just fizzles sometimes. Like what was I thinking again? And there is absolutely no one offline that I can explain certain problems/dilemmas to. They run like that comedy sketch I seen years ago “OMG, it’s MATH!! RUN!!” lol
I feel so much closer. I at least feel that in my children’s lifetime if they pursue this, they will find their grand parents. I have REED PORTER KETCHAM WEST WHAM RICE WEBB RUT CLARK KENT and RUT in abundance as far as ancestral surnames. I have found no one who matches my mother as far as her lifespan 1934-1967. There isn’t a lot from NY either. Doesn’t mean anything yet.
I’m thinking of having a couple of my kids tested. The boys will go back to their own father’s family so that won’t do me much good on the ydna. But maybe my daughters? With FF I know they have at least half me in them all so maybe we can compare plus it would be nice to have a known relative on there.