Pep in my Hobbling Step

99.998% sure I just got off the phone with my Brother. He is not only going to do DNA but is going to get it himself. After I received my updated non id info it shed light on an old candidate for a mother who got put on a back burner due to marital and child differences. He has a great sense of humor and was like talking to FAMILY, It seems they had a lot of questions growing up that this discovery (ME) seems to answer.

Thanks to DNA and Melanie and Julia and my special cousin Taffey and Wendy and others,  I think we found them. I got off the phone knowing I had to correct my DNA tree a tad (still don’t think it’s right) I had great grands wrong on one line so didn’t get DNA HINTs but I had the 22 other DNA hints. But I went to the store. I blabbered to the cashier —he was very supportive. lol Poor fella. I have been having a few aches, pains and concerns lately but somehow there was a little pep in step on the way to my suv. I almost cried then I didn’t then I was a little mad about the time wasted—then happy—No, I think I will cry, nope ok. I talked to myself on the way to and from the store. I didn’t care. How dare they keep us all in the dark with our suspicions? Well my brother and I talked for hours. We laughed he said I sound like my sister including the things I say itself. They had mysteries and things they wondered about but never knew about me. When I told him I’ll try to spit it out quicker and spare him details he said “no tell everything–this is like too smooth as it is answering so many questions we had and blank periods of times and missing pieces.”  He was VERY interested. I couldn’t believe it as usually I have to hurry and sum things up not to bore people. OMG.

This is unbelievable and I can’t express my feelings completely because I don’t know them. Connection? Truth? I can’t believe this. i am so happy. I hope they send a photo of ….Our Mom? Is it Our MOM? I have stood alone my whole life other than my own kids and grandkids etc. Could it be? I’m not alone? I think I may be happy. I’m scared a little too. i hope I’m not too fat or ugly or old or TOO anything. I hope I’m enough. This is wild. I hope it’s true.

It seems I am not “that damn baby” after all. My siblings  didn’t know and it looks like my maternal grand parents may not have either.

So I’m going to make some coffee and do a little of this and that. And see if they got my email yet 🙂

Happy Valentine’s Day

Server capacity exceeded. Please try again later.

Now it’s not only Valentine’s Day but a Saturday night. Get off of gedmatch so I can get on lol My cousin from Ancestry who was 10 matches up from my 3rd cousin on FTDNA and Gedmatch, finally uploaded  to gedmatch. She is not ready for one to many (last I knew) but I was able to see some things and compare her to my matches. She doesn’t share as much cM as  I thought she would. So what does that mean? Does it mean that the 10 people between her and my other cousin  are only 1cM apart? Wow Whee. I waited for someone to mail  something off for me. Hmm hmm. And they slow walked me. For WEEKS. Finally, they shipped not only that certain item for me, but their kits that I paid for them to take. Yay. So I will be in all 3 pools plus have a couple of known relatives in there too. Should be very interesting  to see. Ancestry trees are helpful but not nearly as important as FTDNA’s data. I like to see how long a block and how much cM without having to pester and provide tutorials to matches to get them on gedmatch. To an adoptee with no name, it’s vital to see how much a match and I share. The trees on ancestry are good, but would be better if we all were on a huge wiki type tree. DNA attached. Sure there would be blunders here and there. But it would all but sound off buzzers when you actually connected. Finding that MRCA would be a lot easier. I got in huge trouble using member connect on ancestry and also the merge feature. Thought I was being a regular smarty pants. Then…..I had to get rid of some wives and “twins” and mother in laws as siblings and mothers as spouses. That last one was because of the “member connect” who was tripping when they did exactly what I was doing. I got most of it fixed without losing too many legit 2nd and 3rd spouses. But when your eyes start watering and you are nodding out, it’s best to quit any methodology you may be working on. And getting carried away with lol

Chr Start Location End Location Centimorgans (cM) SNPs
3 3533555 7506715 10.5 1445
5 73151031 107169632 32.6 6621

Largest segment = 32.6 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 43.0 cM
Estimated number of generations to MRCA = 4.2

Above is my cousin (Female) on ancestry who is next in line after my 2nd cousin. She does not match her and shares no X with me. We have determined that we match through a Moore/Ellsworth of NY. Possibly their son Otis but not his wife a Mahaney.

About 10-15 people down is my ftdna cousin (Male) who has that adopted great grandfather on his mother’s side.

Chr Start Location End Location Centimorgans (cM) SNPs
13 30545353 74577343 43.8 10739

Largest segment = 43.8 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 43.8 cM
Estimated number of generations to MRCA = 4.2

He does not share on X either nor does he match my second cousin or my Above cousin.

I can’t wait until my cousin (Female) is ready for one to many so I can do more with the data. I’d like to see where they put her. I wonder why Ancestry put her so fare above the rest? They did this before I had any name that matched or circles. The only 2 circles I have are of people who match on my second cousin’s side. Flint/Hart. that is my Rodman Lewis Reed Patchin Phelps West etc.

I don’t do a lot with my second cousins data because her tree is a contradiction to itself within itself and other’s trees who share ancestors. I don’t know what to believe. Even the census makes it unclear who is who or with who. Tons of servents and borders and name changes (nicknames and typos?) Cousins/nieces lived with inlaws etc. I seem to connect with her on all sides. Makes me wonder if we just “share too much DNA” and not truly that close. Crossed lines so to speak? Quakers with tons of kids. Very difficult. She says she has no clue and that she didn’t research whatever side I’m on. i know I’m on that one side but maybe the other also. There are some Clarks, Wheelers, and Tuttles complicating  things. I have two different Hawkins lines in there also.

Chr Start Location End Location Centimorgans (cM) SNPs
4 16777099 34640744 20.8 3624
5 110660142 122475673 10.5 2686
5 159293063 166764272 9.4 1712
8 18402373 26415074 13.7 2663
9 4080724 22002051 33.9 6305
9 77532718 85911749 12.1 2262
14 32497368 57124732 25.4 5816
14 93508235 96686114 8.7 1304
16 13512559 26879594 21.1 2898
19 53609969 61067752 27.7 2390

Largest segment = 33.9 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 183.5 cM
Estimated number of generations to MRCA = 3.1

We Do share on X

Chr Start Location End Location Centimorgans (cM) SNPs
X 3113318 21971664 30.1 2631

Largest segment = 30.1 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 30.1 cM Actual.

So I figured since we shared on X that she might get it from her father who gets it from his mother but not his dad and so on. So there is 3 grands But we share a Great. So I went back and said well the x can be from her grandmother but NOT her grandfather and his Dad. But there is the Great grandmother on that side. BUT she feels we are connected through her grandfather’s bro and was wiling to have her 1st cousin (male) test if I paid for it. So I had to think about that X and the fact that I don’t seem to share many surnames on that side. Her  paternal  Grandfather and his Bro got X from the mother(Great) But could not have passed it to her through the Father. Yeah, so I look at my other cousins. It’s a shame as we share a lot of DNA.

I wonder since the two female cousins don’t match each other and one shares X with me and one doesn’t if they share on chromosome 5 on different sides. I feel the second cousin is on my Father’s side (lots of cousins on  this side) and the Other one is on my mother’s side (hardly any cousins on this side). The fella I think is on my father’s side too but too far back to match my second cousin. It seems like it’s on his adopted Great grandfather’s side (hahaha). I have other cousin’s that were convinced I  was on their father’s side but it turns out I was on that side that connects to my second cousin. Again too far back to match her. Rodman.  Always a Rodman lol I found a living Rodman who seemed very interested until I offered to pay for a DNA test for them. Haven’t heard a thing since. Maybe they will surprise me and just appear in my matches one day. I feel we would at least be 1st cousins  or something.

I have a nice big group of cousins who all match on chromo 10. Don’t know what is so special about that place yet.

I’ve sent away for an obit of a person who has very little posted online. She will ruin every theory I have. I don’t know if this is easy to follow or not but here it goes. I’m pretty sure I have those Reed/Rodmans in my DNA. the one suspect to be my grandmother married a Ketcham. Quite a few of his ancestors are in my cousins trees. Looks right. Ketcham father. Possibly mating with a Graham/Peltier Or Rowe (Moore decedent) My mother. Really not sure about that. BUT this person ruins this whole theory because–She is the sister of the Reed of Reed/Rodman AND she married a MOORE. Crap. If she is my grandmother and she connects these two “sides” it ruins everything. Because now we are left needing another “side” Still my mother. This is where my second cousins tree that has two different women down as bio mom of these female sibs destroys my search. It’s important. My mother’s Mother has to have the right haplogroup U5b2c2. How I know these girls  don’t  have that? My second cousin. These girls are her grandmother’s sister’s. If they share her mother (and they should) they are not my haplogroup. Another reason I believe it’s on my father’s side. Anything goes if it’s a male from that side (grandfather). BUt It points to one of these sisters (female Reeds) if NOT a male Rodman.

A search angel that keeps in touch with me and has access to my DNA etc. is concerned about the lack of any sign of my mother. Was I born in Canada? Germany? England? Scotland? Was I born here but she from another country? She is off the grid. All this genealogy going on and no one 1934-1967 in the state of NY who matches at all ever? These older siblings…they don’t remember their mother being prego just a few short months  before she died? If she died in Jan 1967 I was born on the last day of Sept the year prior. I was 3 months old. The sibs were at the very least 2 4 6 and 8. Most likely older. Where they gone? Did they actually die in infancy? Were we all shipped off? Was I the only one shipped off and they never seen their mother prego? Did she die in prison? Was I born in prison? Was I kidnapped? Was my mother told I was stillborn? Did she just die last week? It’s maddening. Traditional search never worked because there were no mutual searchers. At least not with info like mine. I’m disregarded because they are looking for anyone but a female born on September 30, 1966 with a dead mother. I found a fellow born on my birthday but a few years prior in NY. I wrote him (replied through his search query) No response. He just posted the thing. He disregarded me because of non id. Such trust we put in a system who lies to us about everything else. They sealed the  records. What makes us think they felt a need to give us the truth. Why? They are not accountable. Why would  they be when we aren’t to find out the truth anyways? They could tell us any old thing. How would we know? But still, we disregard each other, just the way it was intended.

I wanted to go home. I was too young to know my way. They say my name was Lucinda.

I wanted to go home. I was too young to know my way. They say my name was Lucinda.

Roots and This and That.

I just got done reading a post that went something like this: Lets face it, a tree without it’s roots is worth nothing.

Well. I’m glad I got roots. Silver Gold ones at that. I am the roots to my tree and be not confused, it is a strong healthy tall one that is branching out more by the day.

In other news, I got 4 new matches on FTDNA. No closer, no trees, no surnames, no sharing of origins. I googled them though. One likes history and another has an antique shop. One plays facebook games and the other (person who handles the kit) likes something to do with Jihad. O.K. Moving right along……

There is a new query on cousin connect; a fellow born on my birthday in Upstate NY but 5 years ahead of me. I wrote to him and No reply. I wonder if people get notifications like I (hope) I do. I’ve got a couple so far, but now worry if I got them all. You figure if one takes the time to post a search they’d be on the look out for replies. I don’t rule out any possibilities of siblings as I don’t know what is true or not. This fellow was put up right after his birth and it doesn’t seem she would give us all up one by one then die, but stranger things have happened. I’ve noticed people are quick to rule people out. I seen it on facebook recently as well. One lady commented to another about possibly being siblings and she was quick to say no, there were no others. Just how do we know that? Because people have been so darn honest? And the world is pink and fuzzy and nothing ever goes wrong….I know I know lol How is that handled though? One lies and keeps secrets and then admits to something/someone. Do they say, well, while we are at it, there are a few more? Or do they just keep hiding the truth? What about half siblings? How would they really even know especially when parents are deceased? Yet, they do. Somehow. “Enough is enough” attitude maybe.

I once worked in a mental health wing of a hospital (or two or three) and there was this girl in her early twenties. She was smart and pretty. She was a nymphomaniac. For real. She had some other things going on as well. She was about 8 months pregnant for her 11th child. She had tried to keep a couple of them in the beginning, but one by one the state got them. It got to the point where they would just automatically take the child from her in the hospital. She knew this and spoke of it. She told me as I took her vitals and handed her worksheets how she gave them life for the greater good. They were stationed all over the US to report to an extraterrestrial higher being. They were actual angels here for a very important reason and she was doing her job to transport them here. She glanced away every now and then to flirt with one of the fellows playing the Wii game across the room. I watched his little ears turn bright red. She continued to tell me how she knew what she was doing and knows that it is a very beautiful thing, her mission. Later one of the techs told me how the state wanted to try and force her by law to get her tubes tied but couldn’t as she knew her reproductive rights. She wasn’t stupid, like I said. She knew how to get what she wanted. She felt it was her job or duty to have babies. I bet they were in fact beautiful. I wonder what lies they were told to “protect” them? I know if she were my mother I’d want to know. Regardless. It’s a way interesting story. It’s the truth and that makes it even more interesting.

Point is, it’s more than possible for children to be put up one by one. All half siblings. And the state knows the truth.

I read a couple of adoptive parents’ ads soliciting pregnant girls to sell them their babies. What a wonderful home they would have and how the wife does yoga. After all, in this stressful world one must meditate, don’t ya know. Buy a kid, relax at the poolside. The husband was holding a puppy, such a nurturing fellow he was. Did he adopt the dog too? I hope he told the puppy about it’s roots and how he saved him from the gas chamber. Oh wait, that doesn’t fit here. Why would he provide a home for a doggie in need when he is willing to convince a young mother to sell her child? No, he must have got the dog from a puppy mill. This same site has a reunion search. I’m not seeing this as the triad I once understood. The triad was once the natural mom, adoptee and supportive adoptive parents also interested in truth and reunion. Not people who would talk women into selling their babies.

I also had a looksy at a post I somehow missed. A woman griping on 23andme about those pesky adoptees wanting in on her wonderoushitblunderous family. It’s hers not yours! she cried. She made her own post because she was taking a break from harassing adoptees on every forum she could find. She basically claimed she had no dog in the fight just likes to talk smack. She’s got a dog in the fight. Dog fights are illegal. 😉 I don’t know what her hang up is, but she is fearing someone popping up. I know every one of us adoptees who seen her was thinking the same thing. “Dear GOD don’t let me be related to this troll!” lol There is no way we weren’t all thinking that. Such rage though. Maybe she is worried that mothership I hinted at earlier was returning a reporter or two to her. Or perhaps dear DADABrother had been at it again years ago. Can’t break the CLOSE family tree you know. Someone really should wear some big Baby Jane pig tails, paint some freckles on their face and show up to her next family shin dig  complete with a red checkered bib and an over sized fork yelling “Mama! I’m back! Some’in’ sure smells good Mama. I’m ready to chow down on that!” And someone else needs to hold the camera for the youtube that will surely get a million hits. We could raise money for an adoptee DNA project to provide kits for those unable to get them at the time. I kid, I kid.

There is a serious side to this too. It wasn’t coming from her. She was just a whacko who’s selfish and unkind. But I have noticed some people in general that are too pushy. It would be nice if people were kind but your average bear has his own agenda. Not all of course. I love to actually be able to assist someone because I know it helps me. I’ve learned that at an early age. It feels good to be in a position to help. I help where I can and still try to help where I can’t yet help. Not everyone is about that, including some natural mothers and adoptees. I see a lot of demands and quite frankly, stalkers and control freaks. One woman helped another by approaching her birth family without her consent. Blow your own old horn time. One sent a dozen emails and was going to go to the door if they did not answer their phone immediately. One father got out of prison and was getting help from searchers to find that naughty woman who changed her name and left town with HIS child. Can you say protective order? I stay within not only my legal rights, but what I feel are my moral rights. I respect others. I feel that’s what’s right for me and those around me. No, I don’t always get it in return, but then again, I don’t try to hang with those who are negative like that. I’m always a little afraid people who tread on others are going to ruin everything for the rest of us. People can and do stereotype. It’s what they do. I hate when someone just “sees you coming” because of what someone in your “group” has done. A lot of doors get closed like that.

My second cousin once asked me “Are you prepared for rejection?” LOL Prepared? Honey, I LIVE it! I’m well versed in reject 🙂 I would love rejection, because you have to give an answer with that. Yes, we are your birth family and NO we want nothing to do with you. That can be my truth. That would be much more than what I have now. I still would like to know my mother and to have a photo of her. I want to know that I myself didn’t drop from that mothership. A reject of that superior land of beings. Or to know I wasn’t a 1960’s experiment gone wrong/right.

I’m finding a lot of cousins from the Netherlands, Norway, mostly Scotland and Ireland. I think these distant cousins are on my mother’s side. There are some showing Germany and England but not that many. I have a few from Portugal. Interesting stuff here. I can’t attach my nameless self to it yet though. I may attach if I can get a little closer than 4th cousins. I sometimes move myself around on my DNA tree to see what hints I get. I’m almost to the point to where I can do this on my mother’s side-or the side I think is hers. The main problem is most of my cousins end up connecting to my father’s huge side. I have 75 pages of cousins on ancestry and 86 on ftdna. I don’t know what 23andme will bring. Not enough people on gedmatch. I try every chance I get but people seem scared of gedmatch for some reason. I may just try it with my 3rd cousin’s gggrandparents. I don’t know how much cM we share because she is on ancestry. But I know she is the first one listed under 4th-6th cousins and is 15 people ahead of a fellow who shares 67 cM with me. He IS on gedmatch as well so I know. He shares a longer block than my second cousin does too. I’d love to see if the 3rd cousin shares X and how much cM. I want her in my chromosome browser! But so far she has not uploaded to Gedmatch. 😦 I won’t even talk about haplogroup. My lonely haplogroup U5b2c2. I stand alone with that so far.

I am the roots to my tree;-)