Updated New or Different Non ID/ Memories through DNA

Mother born abt 1934
“legal” father born abt 1930
Brothers 1953
1955
1956
1962
Sisters 1958
1960

Me 1966

and on the run with Mom. She left and changed her name. Got sick and left me with neighbors then died at the hospital Upstate Medical Center before Jan 19 1967 when I was handed over to social services (not sure location)

I recently read a few articles one of which was this one¬†Almost hocus pocus except it’s not.

When reading my new non id info it was easier to read between the lines than the lines themselves. Not quite the same as the first non id I got. No longer looking for 4 siblings am I. I am not the youngest of 4 –well, I do have 4 half sibs but there are more. Mom had 7 children with my “legal” father. She was still married technically even though she left with me (or i came later) and she changed her name. We almost made it, Mom. ūüôā After she died of a different cause than previously told to me, the neighbors handed me over to the state. For some reason DSS thought I was bi racial so it took some time for me to be placed (they had to see what color I turned into) It is said that my foster mother wanted to keep me but they didn’t let her. (I believe this as I seem to have wanted to return to her) She didn’t seem to care what race I was. Maybe the neighbors who babysat me were black? Maybe abusive Legal Father said I was half black? Who knows. My mother had strawberry blonde Hair like me—not Brown hair. They maintain the English/German thing. The seven siblings were living with the “legal” father’s parents. He signed me away in August 1967. 2 days before I met my new parents in 1968 it was said that I was pretty with blonde curly hair, fair coloring, ¬†and blue eyes. I was quite responsive and very happy child.

One of the 1934-1967 NY women looked at had 7 kids and lived in Seneca NY. I wonder now as this woman didn’t seem to have a lot of info available. This would be true of my mother as well.

I’m so glad I never approached my bio dad’s family. I need to know what happened to my mother first. Something is not jiving although this new info makes more sense. The youngest of the children with “legal” father was 5 when I was born. I don’t know if they knew of me or not. The teen aged boys should have lord only knows what they were told much less what they believed. It’s said she left because of the stress of raising a large family and the “pressure to seek mental Health treatment” —-sounds like the old “I’ll have you committed” if this or that threat to me. “There was also the suggestion that there was domestic violence.” —–Ya think? Anyhow this was 1960 so it was probably sugar coated. Ok so he run her off. The suspected “legal” dad died 10 years after. If he remarried I’m sure there was domestic violence there too. The youngest of my siblings would still have been 16 when he died. Hopefully the grandparents were still alive to help him¬†though. Of course I still don’t know who Mom and “legal” father was. More needs to be done to determine this for sure.

We are up to 10 half siblings now. Unless the mystery Shirley Reed was my mother. Then that would solve most the puzzle–it isn’t likely it is her. She would be the only other possibility using DNA and following the x while paying attention to haplogroup using a female ¬†2nd cousin match.

I do wish Gedmatch was online though as I really need to look at my admixure one more time —Closer! Where DOES this talk of Biracial come in? I can only guess. My hair was curly but not kinky like it is now. I know my black friends and co workers always said that they thought I was black lol. My DNA shows quite European. Biracial can mean anything though not just Black and White.

I don’t know really how I feel. I felt anger almost at first. Now I feel like my mother needs an advocate or something. I’ve often felt we were on the run, now this sort of suggests it.

Page 1 of New Non ID

Page 1 of New Non ID

Page 2 New Non ID

Page 2 New Non ID

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A Trip down Memory Freakin’ Lane. 1

I’m not finding any real answers today. so I did a little reminiscing. For some odd reason, I’m remembering more than ¬†I want to. Somehow. I’m not one to dwell. I was taught many things ¬†growing up. I was taught to keep outsiders out. I was taught if something ever went wrong or I got into trouble of any kind, no matter what I said, never tell them I’m adopted or they will blame everything on that. I was almost drilled on some points. I was told “Now here is what you’ll say…” ¬†I was taught to have no interest in my natural family that my adopted parents were my real parents, after all, my mother didn’t “just spread her legs” to have me. I was taught to always be grateful and to know how lucky I got it. No matter what happens in life, I have no right to complain as “”it could always be worse.”

“Today is the big day” the social worker? said to me in a vehicle. We had just left a big place with weird counters and aisle-like things. Sorry, I was rather short at the age of 18 months. I’m not sure but I think she said something about “this time you won’t be coming back and to not worry, it is OK.” I think she told me to be polite. I remember the kitchen and the couple in there. The social ¬†worker (if that is who she was) talked a while in the kitchen ¬†with them. ¬†For some reason, I thought I was leaving with her again ¬†despite her saying ¬†what she did earlier. Kids are weird like that. She told them not to call me any name at first so as not to confuse me. She asked if they had picked one out. ¬† I remember for fact her saying ” Soon she will have no memories at all.” She told them that they try not to send old toys as it tends to make children linger in old ways and lives. She said “she is young enough that this shouldn’t be a problem.” There was always a lot of whispering going on around me, pointing, smiling, “aweing” and the words “she” “her” “herself” were used. A lot. I was quite the item. Item. I remember that day but not one damn day before them. I grew to resent this woman because she turned out to be right, soon there were no memories at all. I tried to run after her when her leg slipped through the screen door before slamming shut. I was with the new couple. My adopted father said, “You are Susie now.” My mother said “Bill, she said not to yet.” He answered “Well Lucy Susie, sounds the same right? It’s close enough isn’t it, Susie? Lucy, what a name, Jesus.” My new mother said something about my clothes and how they were “Niiice clothes” but we are going to dress you right now. She bathed me and undid my hair and griped about it somehow. ¬†I was Susie now. Story goes the back of my head was bald and Amom said it was from tying it up too tight. She baby oiled the back of my head due to some advice from the doctor or something. Dr Root. I remember him. I went to see him a lot before he retired. Then it was Dr Levy. I had roseolla on my face and “nervous bowels” . I used to call my Adad Bull as I always heard my Amom calling for him. I liked my Uncle. ¬†My mother’s sister’s husband. He came over and acted silly bringing me new red sneakers. I liked him and them. They weren’t those patent leather things I had to sport all the time with my new parents. They were quite cool red sneakers. I called him Wa. That was his name. I can name folks too right? Isn’t that how life goes? New names for everyone. I liked the paper boy as I just knew that he new my way home. I used to call him Johnny even though that wasn’t his name. He was nice to me but my new parents apologized to him for me bothering him. He said it was alright but they hid me when he came to collect just the same. I knew I was looking for two boys who names sounded like Johnny and David. I often wonder if they were foster siblings. Maybe they were siblings. I have to say “sounded like” because who knows with such a child who didn’t speak clearly. I must not have, as my Aparents didn’t seem to understand a thing I said for quite some time. I had lots of dreams of places and things. I used to cry when I watched certain movies or shows. I loved heidi but would cry cause she left the farm. My Aparents got a regular kick out of that. “Tell them how you cried when Heidi left the farm, Susie. Oh GOD did she carry on. Hahaha, she was really going on about it. Right Susie? Fresh kid you. hahahaha.” ¬†Yeah, hahahahaha. I was such a great source of entertainment. I was like a little weird science project. Or perhaps a social experiment gone wrong. Hahahahaha.

The Biggest Problem ….Or the Latest Problem

It seems as though my DNA leads me one way and any paper trail of my ancestors leads me another. It wouldn’t be too bad if Dad was a NPE and Mom an undocumented orphan, but the possibility of 200+ years of this is maddening. It is quite possible where ever (who ever) my DNA leads me will not be a documented surname/maiden name. I think this is what is happening with me. What’s in a Name? Nothing, absolutely nothing. At least not the DNA that should go with them. When I cross reference any female 1934-1967 although there are plenty of surnames in my DNA matches to match All of them, no precise ancestors are shown in any tree. None. I did a little test with Known people. My adopted family. No one is really into recording them online either. But a few specks of them do pop up here and there. Enough to at least guess. My children’s paternal side. One reference –an obit. No find a grave and no ancestry tree. Sooo many families do not have a genealogist in them. If they do, they don’t expand a thing. Everyone one has just one child leading to them. But at least with hints and member connect on ancestry those families can be expanded. So I’m not completely without hope but I do know at this point DNA is the only thing to solve this. I’m getting older and most of my people are dead. Even if a great niece or nephew tests it would help. If they wait too long I’ll be dead and they will match my children as a DISTANT cousin. Back to square one.

According to my DNA I am pretty healthy with only a few risks. Mainly heart freaking failure related ones. Slightly lower life expectancy and little endurance. See? I don’t have a lot of time. If my non id is right than my mother died at the age of 32 and there were no extended family members willing/able to take me. So that lower life expectancy seems correct so far.My DNA cousins with trees show that most of them died at the age of 50 or less. That is the ones without the “living” 300 year olds. I love those. They are great. Always one side that connects to my closest match displays a whole line of private or “living” ancestors. Strange in itself. Every time I find my connection to someone, I follow it down right to another adoption. I thought I solved this with one cousin, but discovered all on his paternal side (the side that seemed to match me) did not match with DNA. He had several of his 2nd cousins tested on all sides of his own DNA. His maternal side is what we guessed would be who connected us, led to Canada quickly (1920’s) and then fizzled. I don’t know how I ended up in Syracuse NY to be adopted by Onondaga County but I’m pretty sure I was not born there. And I’m even more sure my mother wasn’t. I’m starting to doubt she was a US citizen. I think that long 800 number on my son’s long form birth certificate that time was not a mistake but an immigration/naturalization number like what the federal building employees thought. They said this after they got like 5 people to come inspect this document I held and marveled at “mother’s ss#” being a 800 number that never (and hasn’t ¬†since)¬†existed anywhere in the US. I wish I still had that paper. I thought it was a fluke too. I read about flukes. They are the exact opposite of what a fluke should be. They are quite common and in abundance.

Waiting………

Before I got my kit from 23andMe ¬†I checked around the forums and set up a profile. I did some research and followed posts which showed me the waiting times. I knew I was going to get my kit there but wasn’t sure where I was getting the other kits from. The short waiting times reported back in early February sold me. It seems the minute my kits were received by them things came to an abrupt stop. I’m not alone. ¬†I’m part of the stuck on step 4 group. I know they say allow 4-6 weeks from the time they mark it received (step 3) but the feedback was showing a week=tops, that is before I got the kits. I’ve been stuck on step 4 for a month now. They blamed the snow in NC. I have a kit sent to CA. and it is just as stuck. The problem with this extra waiting for me is, aside from me checking the site constantly, I feel like it’s setting me up for more disappointment. If the results came in already and there were no ¬†close matches then that would be that. Instead I’m going to be so glad that they are actually done it’s going to be a greater let down if there is nothing really there. Blame the snow ….job maybe lol

My “first pagers” that communicate with me have no idea how we connect. ¬†My DNA tree is a mess. I did find common ancestors but really have no idea how recent they are. No sign that any non id is even close. I have not received the updated non id yet. It would be nice if I did. Every “lead” has fizzled out for one reason or another. ¬†DNAancestry matches are all out of order I found out. ¬†FTDNA and gedmatch seem to agree more. Ancestry has a 43cM match with not so long a block way ahead of a match who shares 70cM and a much longer block. They are both on the same amount of chromosomes. There appears to be no rhyme nor reason to ancestry’s assessment to cousins. ¬†Not all are on gedmatch so it makes things rough. I’d love to see my 23andMe results.

My one time but no longer birth mom’s origins are about identical to mine. (Yes her results are done) No we are not even remote cousins. I’d love to have her on gedmatch to lower the threshold just to see how in the hell that old DNA company could call us mother and daughter 13 years ago. At least if we were 7th cousins I could understand a little bit. But it’s too much at this point to urge her to upload to gedmatch. She doesn’t seem that into it. I was sure that we would at least be 5th cousins or something so I could at least say “not enough markers tested but I can see we connect distantly” But NO not even that close. ¬†No match at all. Really, how dare they? Or was my swab contaminated some how back then? I don’t dare think too much on it. I can’t help but think “What the hell did they test exactly? Enough to determine we were both mostly European?” Enough of that walk down memory lane.

One more 1st pager closer than all others is all I need. Actually, my 3rd and ¬†4th cousins want to know too. It may help with some of their brick walls as well. ¬†This journey is exciting and nerve wracking all at once. I’m glad for the technology and chance to find out some answers. I’m also glad that maybe one day my DNA might provide answers for someone else. I am hopeful that it may help me in my lifetime. Maybe it taking an extra long time is because I am going to find a close match. Maybe the lab is on strike. Maybe the whole batch got contaminated. They need to fess up and just sent us new kits plus a coupon for a free one with no expiration date. Maybe I’ll end up checking yet again in the next few minutes although my goal was NOT to for a while lol They can’t tell us all that there is something wrong with our sample and have us believe it. We have already compared notes. No one is moving a long at all what so ever. Many of us have different kits at different labs. They were moving right along just fine, ahead of schedule no less, that is until I sent mine in. Then it all stopped. Crickets…………… Torture. By writing this post I am sure I will have an update or two. Or at least I’ll see someone else on the forum(s) does. I’m following at least 5 threads about this waiting time issue. Something is going on. Maybe it is just the snow. Or maybe it is more important clients than us consumers. They may be working on something special. I can’t imagine anything more important than our kits. If it is that big of a project then get more equipment and help for it. Work more hours. Don’t put us all off. Bigger project should equal more money. ¬†Throw some money into it and make the customers happy. We are all going gray waiting. Some of us may be bald pulling out hair out by the time things catch up.

Patience. I am going to just check and not get my hopes up. If my results are ready….same thing. Grain of salt. No biggie. I ¬†can’t stand it.

Example of Known German

After trying to figure out how I connect with my top cousins, I decided to look over my origins again. I’m looking on that English/German mother thing. The verdict is… maybe. On ancestry I reached out to see an example of a known German person and how their results appear. It showed European West on ancestry. I only got one example but several people replied with the text telling me about vikings and so forth. The Scandinavian thing seems so vague yet FTDNA and Ancestry seem to agree on it. In the descriptions of my results German is a second thought. Also found in Germany etc. The main reason I looked at this again is to help determine the differences on my parents’ sides. I put this together with my DNA cousins info on their trees and my own haplogroup along with my guesstimated place of birth. Those traces get ignored when trying to match things up but it only takes one feller with one parent of a certain origin to put that trace in your DNA.

Always some Guy with a “trace.” 23andMe has got to be the most aggravating company of them all. For the love of GAWD! Speaking of some dork with a trace. There is no rhyme nor reason to the wait times with them. At least FTDNA abuses/tortures all of us equally with the dang wait times.

These are mine. Gedmatch is more interesting but I’m needing simple for this quest.
Desktop

I’ve hit twitter with my haplogroup and Gedmatch. I noticed others have done the same thing ūüôā

Down the Basement Stairs….

I woke up in the wee hours of the morning and before I flung myself down the basement stairs I decided to take one last look at my laptop. I checked 23andMe —still demoted to step 3. My son’s kit is still suck on step 4 NOT 4.5 but 4. New remote matches on ancestry. I had already 2nd 3rd and 4th guessed myself on everything I ever thought about this whole thing. I was ready to un-attach myself from my little pretend person on my DNA tree. I checked FTDNA and seen my upgrade of course wasn’t ready and no new matches that were close. This time when I checked ¬†my projects I decided ¬†to google the only U5b2c2 match I had because it appeared on a New York state project. I don’t know if this person also did FF and just doesn’t match or if she only did mtdna. Which ever it was I checked out her tree anyways. Just about all the surnames in my matches were there. The Irish connection that my 3rd cousins and I have been looking for may very well be a FRENCH from Ireland. I added only her daughters and their daughters down the lines. I added notes. The only males I added were the ones needed to show any possible daughter’s surnames if by chance they were not recorded. I did add the first hubby and sons just in case they turn out to be on my matches’ trees. I saw a lot of similarities in facial features when I looked them all up on find a grave. That little spark of hope. The one that made me forget about the cellar steps. ūüôā I made another discovery. That second cousin is probably a 3rd or 4th. I share another cousin from a different side of her tree. They mingled lol The woman in Ireland may have also had sisters, aunts and certainly had a mother. It’s entirely possible I come off of them too. But this is something. Something more than what I had. ¬†I have some more to keep my eyes peeled for. One of the surnames down the tree is Born. I have a Living Born in my tree now and I like that. It doesn’t show anything that matches my non id for my mother but of course nothing does at all ever. My mother most likely will never appear on anyone’s tree but mine. Someday.