I don’t need to know my heritage to know my own nature. I’m guilty. I worry. It’s what I do. If it’s genetic then I don’t need my ancestors to show me that, but it may be a key to discovering who they were. They were guilty. They worried. At least one of them did.
I bought a couple of huge pencil sets a couple of years ago. I admired them. I protected them and packed them away. I broke them out and admired them some more. I love my art supplies as much as I love art. I’ve created with much less. I’ve created with cigarette butts that looked like charcoal drawings and broken used hand me down drawing utensils. I loved them too.
I feel guilty having these beautiful unused pencils and not putting them to use yet. When I crack them open, I’ll feel guilty wearing them down. I feel bad that all my old ones are packed away in different boxes all separated from each other. The ones I claimed to have loved. Out in the cold garage. I’m torn between gathering them all up together and keeping them organized between old and new. I used to have them sorted neatly within color groups. Cheap along with Fancy. OH but these brand new ones, I’m going to break them out and use them. I don’t even have any stumps or burnishers handy for them, but I’m sure I can swing it without them. I’ve no mineral spirits on hand either but I’ve got baby oil and wd4o. I remember. I know what to do. I did my best work with less. I’m afraid of my new pencils, but not that much. They are quite the lookers. They will be old one day whether they be put to good use or no use at all. Who even thinks of these things? Why do I feel ungrateful? Is it because I have such colorful lookers of drawing utensils or that I’ve yet to make them perform? I’ll always keep my old pencils down to stubs (they become water colors then).
I’m going to start with a small page in my art journal of my mother or maybe my grandmother. I have my tools and I need to work. I’ll consider it part of my research. 🙂
I’m thankful for the replies from my cousins. I was told I looked just like one’s mother when she was a child. However, they won’t show me the photo lol (it’s funny….and sad.) They lady who’s husband is probably my 1st cousin wrote back and basically said that it’s not possible. I’ll have to re read the email later and see if it included anything. But basically, it says interesting life/story but nah. That is the side that actually shares a person with most of my other cousins and has stayed in the Upstate NY area forever. (from Wisconsin). I have some Canadian cousins also.
I paid for 2 tests and one person won’t share the results with me. For whatever reason, I can’t see them. Nice. They even made it a point to change the log in so that when the test is done “being lost in the mail” it will be private. She also filled out no surnames/tree. What is the point? I’d love to have some closure on that one but so be it. My second cousin knows a 1st cousin on her father’s side (her grandpa’s brother’s kid’s kid) who may be willing to test if I pay. It doesn’t appear that should be the side to focus on but I may buy him a test anyways. Hopefully he won’t go all private. We’ll see when I make the offer to send a kit.
We are dealing with Quakers with 1000 children each. Who married into and out of a million times on all sides. Not saying MamaSiser or anything but bros marrying a set of sisters and cousins of one generation marrying inlaw’s offspring of another. I have connections on all sides of my second cousin. My parents weren’t related. My father’s people may have been. Hopefully my children’s parents aren’t related. I’m going to test that 😉
It’s aggravating. Some things never change I suppose. Unless one is named in a Will once you are legally adopted out –you are not a threat to anyone. What is the worry? Can’t save face now, so what is the deal? What is/was is/was. Who cares? Unless my mother did not die in 1967. Even so, she is probably gone by now anyways. What is the secret now?
I know that I am in two circles now on ancestry. Flint and Hart. This is because I attached myself to my Make Believe Tree. I put myself in an approximate position that works out a little further than my DNA matches suggest. In this iffy tree I am a Ketchum/Reed named Ketchum Kid lol . My people are from Ontario County NY and Wisconsin. So I have the same DNA hints. Matches not attached to trees or private are among the closest ones. Some don’t have a tree at all and haven’t logged in for a few years. My surnames are Miller, Smith, Hart, Lewis, Flint, Rodman, Moore and Phelps. I have Clarks Wheelers and Smiths all over on all sides in all generations. Lets not forget Mary Fuller. Never the same Mary Fuller but she is everywhere lol Dates and locations vary 🙂 Balls and Longs. I have northern and southern Balls. Speaking of Longs, I have a couple of Shorts too. Hill, Hall and add a few letters on the front or back. Ooops, forgot Tuttle on one side and Tuthill on the other.
Gedmatch has been busy for awhile this week. This may mean new matches for us all when they get caught up. Maybe my one to many will produce new results this time.
I got a reply. Nacho Mama. He was very polite and even took a while before replying. Maybe he was checking things out, like me, my info and his own tree. He may have even spoke with family members. He said it was his aunt in question and she was far too ill in 1966 to have even conceived. Ok then, on we go. I read on some facebook group again where someone got their “updated non id”. I know when I tried that this year, I got shut down immediately. I got a copy of the same old info with a big red “copy” stamped across it and a letter letting me know the date I first got it. They weren’t looking at any other info just sending me what I already got years ago and a note to let me know that they know I got it. Yet, somehow, some people get that. The agency that handled my adoption simply refers me to the state and says they don’t deal with any old adoption info. Yet other’s claim they have done this. In fact, the State of NY adoption registry has a check box to get info from the agency. I’ve tried both ways (check/uncheck) and get nothing. I wonder now, did a birth family member years ago in fact contact the registry to make it clear they do NOT want contact or info released? Is my case but a flagged one? I find no evidence at all of my mother. DNA seems to point to my father and his people. Unless my mother did NOT die in early 1967 of septicemia cause by streptococcal infection origin unknown. Unless she was not 32 when I was born. Having 4 children prior to me does not insure they were live births nor does it disprove her have 4+ children prior to me. She could have had 10 prior to me. Nothing states where I was born. Nothing states where or if she was buried. I somehow ended up adopted out by Onondaga Social Services with the help of Caswell as an attorney. I found adoption application approval along with my doctor’s booklet form after adoption and an Order of adoption. Nothing has any other name than “the adoption of Susan Marie” That is it. My adopted parents swear they never knew my name or any information prior to my adoption. They did say they overheard the name Kline and they think it’s something to do with my birth mother/father or foster home. I found no birth announcements on my date and time where I can not see evidence of that child growing up (marriage, graduation, jail etc) No vanishing child. The woman I got convinced was my birth mother will not share her DNA results with me. No closure there. I thought perhaps since we shared 3 markers way back then on the bogus test, we would at least be distant cousins. I’ll never know. She either threw out the test or is hiding something. I could be her sister for all I know lol. I know I don’t share any DNA with the fellow that would have been my birth DAD. So maybe there is something wrong there. Who knows? I sure don’t. Maybe my ex birth mom and I DO match and she doesn’t want us to. Perhaps that is what she is hiding. It sure stinks to put it lightly. I jumped right back into my search in an attempt to NOT think of what prompted her to call and say there was a mistake. I jumped back in to my search to NOT feel yet another rejection. Mostly to not waste any more time. It does make me wonder what prompted that call. Did she know something all along? I did notice some strange behavior from her but just over looked it. No one is perfect. When it comes down to it though, there is that whole do unto others thing. I would never do that to another human being. I was excited to show my results and what we may have in common. She made it a point to mess up a kit, get another kit number and password, claim to have to wait until “next weekend” “after shopping” “some other time to Untangle this mess” That is the one that got me. More computer saavy than I, yet setting up a new account is a “mess” that needs “untangled”?????? Yeah, OK. I don’t know what to think anymore. Another search angel just dropped. She told me I need a genetic genealogist. NO, What I need is Penelope Garcia 🙂 No muss no fuss. She’d break right into the truth. I don’t think any surname at this point is going to help with this. There is something wrong. I got a 3rd cousin that proved to be a 5th and I think my second cousin is really a 4th cousin. I think it has something to do with INLAWS mating. We share more DNA than what we should because we share on more than one side. My parents are NOT related according to gedmatch. That doesn’t necessarily mean that my father’s people weren’t related. If one side has that “pedigree collapse” that may be all it takes to raise the DNA. I think, don’t know. My mother and her other people vanished. I have a distant cousin now that has a U5b2something else. Mine is U5B2C2 —closest I’ve seen so far. I wonder. I know my second cousins people on both sides are OLD enough to put more gens between us. They show that they mated late in life. If one got pregnant early or got a maid pregnant early then her Grand parent could easily be my Great Grandparent. Something like that is happening. And another adoption and her grandparents people mated. I have tons of 4th and 5th cousins with adopted greats. I also have a few that were adopted themselves. We are dealing with Quakers here people. I thought for sure as did my 4th cousin that we were related on her father’s side. No, her mother’s GGGgrandmother Patience was the sister to my GGGGgrandfather John Rodman. It is the only common ancestor I can find in fact (so far) So I’m guessing I share with my second with Asa and Jacob Rodman. By the way, John had a son who named his son after his great uncle Asa. Caused a lot of confusion for me lol The thought has crossed my mind that I am related to my second cousin on her Mother’s and Father’s side. So Maybe we only appear to be 2nd cousins. Maybe I only appear to be here right now. Maybe nothing is as it appears. What I do know is that my mother is not appearing at all.