Things our Ancestors said

The Family Stump

When I first found out that in 1942, dairy farmers in New Zealand had to prove they owned 12 cows before they could buy a pair of gumboots, I couldn’t help but imagine a snippet of conversation from that time:

“Just two more cows and I’ll finally be able to buy a pair of wellies!”

Somewhere in NZ, someone’s great grandfather…um…Joe, was excitedly counting down the days until one of his cows gave birth, hoping it produced twins. “Not long now, Daisy!

I’ll admit I may have laughed at the thought, but then remembered that during 1942 – along with rationing of food and other supplies – there was a rubber shortage. Tough times calling for tough measures!  And while today all we have to do is save a few dollars and pop to the local shop, back then getting your hands on car tyres or other types of…

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Guilt=My nature.

I don’t need to know my heritage to know my own nature. I’m guilty. I worry. It’s what I do. If it’s genetic then I don’t need my ancestors to show me that, but it may be a key to discovering who they were. They were guilty. They worried. At least one of them did.

I bought a couple of huge pencil sets a couple of years ago. I admired them. I protected them and packed them away. I broke them out and admired them some more. I love my art supplies as much as I love art. I’ve created with much less. I’ve created with cigarette butts that looked like charcoal drawings and broken used hand me down drawing utensils. I loved them too.

I feel guilty having these beautiful unused pencils and not putting them to use yet. When I crack them open, I’ll feel guilty wearing them down. I feel bad that all my old ones are packed away in different boxes all separated from each other. The ones I claimed to have loved. Out in the cold garage. I’m torn between gathering them all up together and keeping them organized between old and new. I used to have them sorted neatly within color groups. Cheap along with Fancy. OH but these brand new ones, I’m going to break them out and use them. I don’t even have any stumps or burnishers handy for them, but I’m sure I can swing it without them. I’ve no mineral spirits on hand either but I’ve got baby oil and wd4o. I remember. I know what to do. I did my best work with less. I’m afraid of my new pencils, but not that much. They are quite the lookers. They will be old one day whether they be put to good use or no use at all. Who even thinks of these things? Why do I feel ungrateful? Is it because I have such colorful lookers of drawing utensils or that I’ve yet to make them perform? I’ll always keep my old pencils down to stubs (they become water colors then).

I’m going to start with a small page in my art journal of my mother or maybe my grandmother. I have my tools and I need to work. I’ll consider it part of my research. 🙂

Stand Still.

I’m thankful for the replies from my cousins. I was told I looked just like one’s mother when she was a child. However, they won’t show me the photo lol (it’s funny….and sad.) They lady who’s husband is probably my 1st cousin wrote back and basically said that it’s not possible. I’ll have to re read the email later and see if it included anything. But basically, it says interesting life/story but nah. That is the side that actually shares a person with most of my other cousins and has stayed in the Upstate NY area forever. (from Wisconsin). I have some Canadian cousins also.

I paid for 2 tests and one person won’t share the results with me. For whatever reason, I can’t see them. Nice. They even made it a point to change the log in so that when the test is done “being lost in the mail” it will be private. She also filled out no surnames/tree. What is the point? I’d love to have some closure on that one but so be it. My second cousin knows a 1st cousin on her father’s side (her grandpa’s brother’s kid’s kid) who may be willing to test if I pay.  It doesn’t appear that should be the side to focus on but I may buy him a test anyways. Hopefully he won’t go all private. We’ll see when I make the offer to send a kit.

We are dealing with Quakers with 1000 children each. Who married into and out of a million times on all sides. Not saying MamaSiser or anything but bros marrying a set of sisters and cousins of one generation marrying inlaw’s offspring of another. I have connections on all sides of my second cousin. My parents weren’t related. My father’s people may have been. Hopefully my children’s parents aren’t related. I’m going to test that 😉

It’s aggravating. Some things never change I suppose. Unless one is named in a Will once you are legally adopted out –you are not a threat to anyone. What is the worry? Can’t save face now, so what is the deal? What is/was is/was. Who cares? Unless my mother did not die in 1967. Even so, she is probably gone by now anyways. What is the secret now? My Search Art Diary

I know that I am in two circles now on ancestry. Flint and Hart. This is because I attached myself to my Make Believe Tree. I put myself in an approximate position that works out a little further than my DNA matches suggest. In this iffy tree I am a Ketchum/Reed named Ketchum Kid lol . My people are from Ontario County NY and Wisconsin. So I have the same DNA hints. Matches not attached to trees or private are among the closest ones. Some don’t have a tree at all and haven’t logged in for a few years. My surnames are Miller, Smith, Hart, Lewis, Flint, Rodman, Moore and Phelps. I have Clarks Wheelers and Smiths all over on all sides in all generations. Lets not forget Mary Fuller. Never the same Mary Fuller but she is everywhere lol Dates and locations vary 🙂 Balls and Longs. I have northern and southern Balls. Speaking of Longs, I have a couple of Shorts too. Hill, Hall and add a few letters on the front or back. Ooops, forgot Tuttle on one side and Tuthill on the other.

Gedmatch has been busy for awhile  this week. This may mean new matches for us all when they get caught up. Maybe my one to many will produce new results this time.

Still at it…..An update…

This time I found a potential cousin using information from my DNA matches but he has not tested. His wife has a great tree on Ancestry. So I was brave and contacted her. She replied pretty quick and it sounds like they are interested/curious. I know this because she said “We are curious” lol. This is great news for me. I explained that due to a common ancestor with a different cousin then her husbands I’ve focused now on that surname. This may turn out to be my Birth father’s side. I’m thinking her husband could be a closer match than my second cousin. His wife seems to be great at genealogy. Her tree is well cited and it’s complete with some photos and accurate information. We exchanged emails and I’m now waiting for her to check things out. Her keen eye may spot something I couldn’t. Plus it helps to actually have a tree 🙂 Perhaps he will test and this will either rule them out or NOT. Not would be nice.

Last night I took a walk down memory lane and shared some memories with a friend about my childhood. OOPS. She now understands my sense of humor. I need it. I learned it at a young age. She asked and off I went. I shared a minor story or two. I forget sometimes how unique my upbringing was. But so be it. Twasn’t so bad. Just a lot of head games. It was hard raising my parents but I got through.. 🙂

I have things coming and going in this house. I went nuts looking for my cash box with my fancy inks/pens/markers in it. Never did find it.  I wanted to include a little creativity in my life before I go mad. Everything is packed away and nothing is really set up here as I would like it. I can’t just mosey over to any one place in this house and just create. It’s a chore to create a spot and get everything out and put it back. Not like home. I have things more convenient there.

The Grand baby and Furry Kids seem to be happy. Food, Fun, and Going bye bye seem to be enough to keep them happy. They have no idea why I get online so much lately though. I bribe them all so I can. I also stay up late so I can. 🙂

FTDNA finally completed the Geno 2.0 transfer so now my U5B2C2 is proudly displayed and searchable. No new matches on there, Gedmatch or ancestry. They are probably all on 23andme. I may have to include them in my search as soon as money permits. I have a few mouths to feed first.

I’ve been going through on FTDNA and putting notes everywhere. It helps to determine for example if a male matches me on x then I at least know to look on his mother’s side. I have seen a few kits managed by someone else and I hope they at least put the sex right of the actual DNA. It worries me a little on some of them.  If they are married on their little tree (if they have one) it helps determine the sex if they have a username that could be anything along with a photo of a couple. I always think Wow. Just Wow. I don’t want to think of a couple’s DNA for some reason lol Not to mention the little pink or blue person is gone. I have one that is not married and has a photo of a couple. That is not cool but at least I didn’t share x with this person as it would leave a question mark  in my notes. I match a couple of U5s and one U5B2 something else. A lot of people don’t test for that so that isn’t too helpful. I wonder if the U5b2 is close enough? I’m thinking of testing my oldest daughter with FF +FSM just to see how accurate it is. I worry it may confuse things for me further though. She may end up closer to my matches than I am. Then what?

My ex natural mother finally logged into her account and discovered her 2nd kit was lost in the mail. She is getting another one she says. I told her straight out it’s driving me crazy not knowing if she was at least a distant or remote cousin for that joke test years ago to show us as a match. We did match on 3 markers (if those lotus things were markers). We were not “qualifying people” but like I’ve said in prior posts, we had no clue. It was a peace of mind test. What peace of mind is it to have inconclusive results that look like you are mother and daughter? I wonder how many other people have been “reunited” with these bogus results. I’d hate to think my sibling was “reunited” years ago and quit looking based on those results.

This was that "peace of mind" test that offered no Peace of mind. See the confusion for two searchers longing for family?

This was that “peace of mind” test that offered no Peace of mind. See the confusion for two searchers longing for family?

The assumption of motherhood confirmed. Not nice, people. Not nice.

That was then and this is now. Now I’m fishing a bigger pool. Still would like to know if we are connected at all genetically. Seems we were no more likely related than thousands of others. Or would it just be hundreds? Maybe she will actually send her kit in this time and we’ll see.

Nacho Mama

I got a reply. Nacho Mama. He was very polite and even took a while before replying. Maybe he was checking things out, like me, my info and his own tree. He may have even spoke with family members. He said it was his aunt in question and she was far too ill in 1966 to have even conceived. Ok then, on we go. I read on some facebook group again where someone got their “updated non id”. I know when I tried that this year, I got shut down immediately. I got a copy of the same old info with a big red “copy” stamped across it and a letter letting me know the date I first got it. They weren’t looking at any other info just sending me what I already got years ago and a note to let me know that they know I got it. Yet, somehow, some people get that. The agency that handled my adoption simply refers me to the state and says they don’t deal with any old adoption info. Yet other’s claim they have done this. In fact, the State of NY adoption registry has a check box to get info from the agency. I’ve tried both ways (check/uncheck) and get nothing. I wonder now, did a birth family member years ago in fact contact the registry to make it clear they do NOT want contact or info released? Is my case but a flagged one? I find no evidence at all of my mother. DNA seems to point to my father and his people. Unless my mother did NOT die in early 1967 of septicemia cause by streptococcal infection origin unknown. Unless she was not 32 when I was born. Having 4 children prior to me does not insure they were live births nor does it disprove her have 4+ children prior to me. She could have had 10 prior to me. Nothing states where I was born. Nothing states where or if she was buried. I somehow ended up adopted out by Onondaga Social Services with the help of Caswell as an attorney. I found adoption application approval along with my doctor’s booklet form after adoption and an Order of adoption. Nothing has any other name than “the adoption of Susan Marie” That is it. My adopted parents swear they never knew my name or any information prior to my adoption. They did say they overheard the name Kline and they think  it’s something to do with my birth mother/father or foster home. I found no birth announcements on my date and time where I can not see evidence of that child growing up (marriage, graduation, jail etc) No vanishing child. The woman I got convinced was my birth mother will not share her DNA results with me. No closure there. I thought perhaps since we shared 3 markers way back then on the bogus test, we would at least be distant cousins. I’ll never know. She either threw out the test or is hiding something. I could be her sister for all I know lol. I know I don’t share any DNA with the fellow that would have been my birth DAD. So maybe there is something wrong there. Who knows? I sure don’t. Maybe my ex birth mom and I DO match and she doesn’t want us to. Perhaps that is what she is hiding. It sure stinks to put it lightly. I jumped right back into my search in an attempt to NOT think of what prompted her to call and say there was a mistake. I jumped back in to my search to NOT feel yet another rejection. Mostly to not waste any more time. It does make me wonder what prompted that call. Did she know something all along? I did notice some strange behavior from her but just over looked it. No one is perfect. When it comes down to it though, there is that whole do unto others thing. I would never do that to another human being. I was excited to show my results and what we may have in common. She made it a point to mess up a kit, get another kit number and password, claim to have to wait until “next weekend” “after shopping” “some other time to Untangle this mess” That is the one that got me. More computer saavy than I, yet setting up a new account is a “mess” that needs “untangled”?????? Yeah, OK. I don’t know what to think anymore. Another search angel just dropped. She told me I need a genetic genealogist. NO, What I need is Penelope Garcia 🙂 No muss no fuss. She’d break right into the truth. I don’t think any surname at this point is going to help with this. There is something wrong. I got a 3rd cousin that proved to be a 5th and I think my second cousin is really a 4th cousin. I think it has something to do with INLAWS mating. We share more DNA than what we should because we share on more than one side. My parents are NOT related according to gedmatch. That doesn’t necessarily mean that my father’s people weren’t related. If one side has that “pedigree collapse”  that may be all it takes to raise the DNA. I think, don’t know. My mother and her other people vanished. I have a distant cousin now that has a U5b2something else. Mine is U5B2C2 —closest I’ve seen so far. I wonder. I know my second cousins people on both sides are OLD enough to put more gens between us. They show that they mated late in life. If one got pregnant early or got a maid pregnant early then her Grand parent could easily be my Great Grandparent. Something like that is happening. And another adoption and her grandparents people mated. I have tons of 4th and 5th cousins with adopted greats. I also have a few that were adopted themselves. We are dealing with Quakers here people. I thought for sure as did my 4th cousin that we were related on her father’s side. No, her mother’s GGGgrandmother Patience was the sister to my GGGGgrandfather John Rodman. It is the only common ancestor I can find in fact (so far) So I’m guessing I share with my second with Asa and Jacob Rodman. By the way, John  had a son who named his son after his great uncle Asa. Caused a lot of confusion for me lol The thought has crossed my mind that I am related to my second cousin on her Mother’s and Father’s side. So Maybe we only appear to be 2nd cousins. Maybe I only appear to be here right now. Maybe nothing is as it appears. What I do know is that my mother is not appearing at all.

Waiting on a mom like you……

Well Update time. I found a woman a long time ago but some info didn’t quite match up plus no real proof. I bookmarked her. Since then she has come up a few more times but same story. This time she came up because of location, surname and a time period of one of her ancestors. Same woman. Still no real proof because no one has done DNA in her family. I looked to see how many trees she appears on and who manages them. I found one that uses the surname (of her children) with the number 62 next to it. Could that be their year of birth?  There is one sibling showing private on her tree and one that looks like she died within her first year of life. No info on any others. Her mother that would be my grandmother IF she’s my mother died 2 days before my birthday. The cause of death isn’t truly off. My mother was said to die of septicemia caused by streptococcal infection origin unknown. This woman may have died of septicemia but origin would definitely be known…severe diabetes. Heck of a thing to leave out huh? Well, I reached out and wrote to the tree owner. It shows they logged in yesterday so hopefully that wasn’t a once in a while event. No reply yet of course. Seeing as it’s the middle of the night and all….lol I copied the photo just in case I get blocked or something. If they go private then that may be an answer right there. If not maybe they will reply one way or the other. They only thing that troubles me a tad is the fact they weren’t looking for me. But, maybe they didn’t know. Maybe it’s the wrong person. Maybe anything. It’s hard to know whether to go forward or not when this happens. I can’t tell from the photo if she even looks like me. Her mother does a little. She fits the description but then again, who doesn’t? It’s a pretty vague description. My second cousin doesn’t seem too willing to share. My 3rd cousins sent surname lists and shared trees etc. They are trying as hard as they can, even stating that by helping me it could possibly help with their own ancestors. My second cousin does genealogy as a living. I wonder if she doesn’t know already some of my answers but doesn’t really want the likes of me in her tree. All I can do is wonder at this point. I’m hoping for just one more close match or just one reply. That would be more than nice. The part of “no extended family” isn’t so either but it may be half a statement. No extended family that wanted you. Or perhaps we didn’t try to notify any extended family. Same old questions. Maybe they will write back. Until then I’m going to force a nap since it’s going on 4am 😉

No News Is No News.

I have been checking for new matches daily and I’ve got a few new distant cousins. No top tens or anything. I’ve yet to find a match of any level with my U5B2C2 maternal haplogroup but there is a couple U5 s on Gedmatch. Not too many test mtDNA though. I revisited the geno 2.0 site and checked the “our story” section for the first time. Not a lot there but it’s a good idea  if only it was more interactive. There needs to be a well known forum or something for these members.

The last couple days I’ve been playing with data. Looking at surnames and going nuts wondering if my second cousin is actually not that close. When I look at other cousins trees and hers I see common surnames but dates and locations off. Just when I think I’ve found a sibling to a surname I’m following I find the parents are different. Second marriage? Typo? I am not sure. I have a 3rd/4th cousin who’s great grandfather was adopted. I may have found his dad, which will really help with my connection to this cousin. We’ll see. Both families were in Wisconsin and traveled back to Upstate NY during the same time period. It would be perfect. If it’s the case then I have a GGgrandparent. I still won’t know what side but it will help. As it stands now, I can’t go by that part of his tree because it will reflect adopted parents from that guys parents back.

Back to my second cousin. There is something really wrong with this. I think my grandparent from her Ggrandparents was adopted out or something. I’m having trouble with a common ancestor with people in common with her. Also, it’s almost like inlaws hooked up way back in her tree. Her paternal GGG surname is hooked up with her maternal GGG surname according to other peoples (dna matches)  trees. I know that can’t be the case but it feels better than that many typos. On ancestry I think people snatch up ancestors. I think they would be better off to just enter a name and put a question mark until they find the proper proof/paperwork. I know I would be better off that way 🙂 If there were some back and forth with inlaws or siblings of which dating back to GGgrandparents then it seems like we would both be getting a little more dna from all sides than normal. Perhaps we are more like 3rd cousins. Or we share just one Great grandparent. We are not at 212 cM we share 204.4 cM so that is a tad low for 2nds. We keep looking at men when it could have been a great granny or even just a granny who got into a little secret situation with my parent/grandparent. I know that I share a lot of x chromosome  with my female cousin who is only 6 years older than me. I heard that meant to rule out her paternal grandfather’s father because of the male to male thing with x. I don’t know because there is still a mother there that can give x to the son and other siblings. What I know is we are NOT related through her mother’s mother etc nor are we through my mother’s mother etc.

I take all these surnames periodically and try out the dates of my mother’s life. The one I found ended up in Iowa. I have 3rd cousins linked with Iowa. The story I found I hope is not my mother. Not because I don’t want some less than perfect story, it’s just because it’s so horrific that I could never hope for any relationship with these siblings not even a letter. I followed it right down to a survivor who’s only online presence is a mail list for a hobby/craft. The other survivor (possible sibling) looked a lot like me in photos but a lot shorter. The mother fit the description of my mother. The date and cause of death were a tad off. If this turns out to be my family there is no tactful way to approach them after all they have been through. They would want no reminder of me or the event that took place leading to their mother’s death. I would just have to remain silent and perhaps save a photo here and there. I put all the newspaper clipings, facebook pages, find a graves and photos in a folder on my desktop. The back burner for now. The surnames and approximate dates led me there and then finding the similarities kept me reading on. The mother was one of five kids and she had five kids. I have 5 kids. The father, after “it” happened remarried and had 5 more kids. It was the tragedy that I had nightmares about. It’s a long shot and I hope the state of NY would not have stretched the truth that much. In truth, the kids were old enough to have remembered me but …..I may have been the kid born out of wedlock that got sent away before anyone knew. This woman and her husband divorced 3 years prior to my birth and she lived alone with her kids until that day. It’s in a folder just by chance. I feel resentful that the state of NY would even let anyone go down that road of wondering if they fit in this tragedy or the next one that surely will present itself. I’ve been given this information that I have to guess what is true and if it’s a typo, lie or just bad record keeping. If my mother was dead who then gave this information? If she gave me up at birth then how would it contain information of her death at all. If the records were sealed then they wouldn’t have had that info so something was either made up or filled in before the records were sealed. It’s like a puzzle with not only missing pieces but jagged tore up muddy ones. Can’t tell if they fit or not at times.

I know I find nothing on my dna matches’ trees that look like my mother’s info. I find plenty everywhere that could have been my father.