Hours on Phone

My sister and I talked for hours! Many things run in families. She said “Well you know apples don’t fall far from the tree they say.” I said “Yeah but I didn’t know any of the apples yet.” We laughed. Alike. It is amazing. My other sister is like this hippy girl —like most of my friends that I’ve made over the years. My brother is this fair laid back awesome dude. We all got “the hair” lol I can’t put into words what it feels like to have siblings. I’ve never even known cousins or anything growing up. There were no peers etc. This is amazing. We have not broke the news to the other 4 yet. But they told their immediate families and all their co workers who ran to my FB page and Deemed me the female Russell (My Bro) I can’t hardly believe it. I’m more like Cher probably but I seen my own eyes looking back at me with Cynthia.Wow. We want to meet and we are going to do DNA (they are) of course to confirm and just see it! There is a little wonder if I may be full siblings with one. We should be half though. I emailed with my brother’s wife and she is extremely polite and friendly. She is being very supportive and thinks this is really answering a lot of questions for her husband. Sounds like they have great spouses. My sister that I spent hours on the phone with (hope she made it to work on time) when asked what is respectful for me to say in reference to my mother, said “you say our MOM, your Mom. That is what she is.” Wow, talk about kindness. I didn’t want to come across as well you know, a Mom thief or something. She is my Mom. Our Mom. That is something just out of this world to me. And I really couldn’t have picked a better family. I have never in my life had such a connection. Even talking about flaws or health complaints —to connect like this is amazing. I’ve never laid eyes on anyone who looked like me or had basic things like me. It’s just so new to me. Understanding without completing a sentence. It HAS to be my family. i’ll be surprised if it’s not my family. It all fits in so perfect and makes so much sense. Good bad and in between. I can’t stop thinking about them. I hope the other 4 don’t hate me. But these 3 are great 🙂 So my sister said that she got a new sister for her birthday!! And my dumb self is so foggy headed I didn’t say happy birthday. I suck. I didn’t catch it until I was off the phone. To be so excited like me. This is  good. Life is good. 🙂

My youngest daughter is real excited as well. my other kids are happy for me but don’t seem as nutty as we are lol I hope that DNA hurries up. I wonder if he got his kit yet? 🙂 The best part of all of this is I don’t have to just “wonder” anymore. There will always be some mysteries but now we can address them together..or not. Together. This is good. I’ve been saying that I wouldn’t pester that all I wanted was a little history and a photo and to put flowers on my mom’s grave. Well I’m still waiting on the photo but I got the totally awesome extra bonus that YES they want to actually meet. Acceptance-never had that before other than with my father that wasn’t my father. That set back we faced when thinking we were reunited but weren’t thanks to that old obsolete DNA test. He was awesome and really accepting and kind. I will never forget him. One can’t have regrets. Maybe the time wasn’t right and that was needed. Can’t revise history and that was part of it. So be it.

We are looking at possibly the end of May to get together. Now all I have to do is my hair nails round up some good clothes (they around here somewhere) Bleach teeth and lose at least 50 lbs. I can do this. I also have to work on getting rid of my limp. Drugs? i wonder what kind I shall need? lmao I’ve got half a month for gawd’s sake.

Oh and apparently we all rescue dogs and are creative. There is other things I’m sure. I see our slight differences too. But it’s almost like it’s the same basic traits. One can take the same talents and do quite different things with the same set of skills. For instance you can write novels or tell fascinating lies. Same thing presented differently. Whatever, it’s family. lol

Pep in my Hobbling Step

99.998% sure I just got off the phone with my Brother. He is not only going to do DNA but is going to get it himself. After I received my updated non id info it shed light on an old candidate for a mother who got put on a back burner due to marital and child differences. He has a great sense of humor and was like talking to FAMILY, It seems they had a lot of questions growing up that this discovery (ME) seems to answer.

Thanks to DNA and Melanie and Julia and my special cousin Taffey and Wendy and others,  I think we found them. I got off the phone knowing I had to correct my DNA tree a tad (still don’t think it’s right) I had great grands wrong on one line so didn’t get DNA HINTs but I had the 22 other DNA hints. But I went to the store. I blabbered to the cashier —he was very supportive. lol Poor fella. I have been having a few aches, pains and concerns lately but somehow there was a little pep in step on the way to my suv. I almost cried then I didn’t then I was a little mad about the time wasted—then happy—No, I think I will cry, nope ok. I talked to myself on the way to and from the store. I didn’t care. How dare they keep us all in the dark with our suspicions? Well my brother and I talked for hours. We laughed he said I sound like my sister including the things I say itself. They had mysteries and things they wondered about but never knew about me. When I told him I’ll try to spit it out quicker and spare him details he said “no tell everything–this is like too smooth as it is answering so many questions we had and blank periods of times and missing pieces.”  He was VERY interested. I couldn’t believe it as usually I have to hurry and sum things up not to bore people. OMG.

This is unbelievable and I can’t express my feelings completely because I don’t know them. Connection? Truth? I can’t believe this. i am so happy. I hope they send a photo of ….Our Mom? Is it Our MOM? I have stood alone my whole life other than my own kids and grandkids etc. Could it be? I’m not alone? I think I may be happy. I’m scared a little too. i hope I’m not too fat or ugly or old or TOO anything. I hope I’m enough. This is wild. I hope it’s true.

It seems I am not “that damn baby” after all. My siblings  didn’t know and it looks like my maternal grand parents may not have either.

So I’m going to make some coffee and do a little of this and that. And see if they got my email yet 🙂

Updated New or Different Non ID/ Memories through DNA

Mother born abt 1934
“legal” father born abt 1930
Brothers 1953
Sisters 1958

Me 1966

and on the run with Mom. She left and changed her name. Got sick and left me with neighbors then died at the hospital Upstate Medical Center before Jan 19 1967 when I was handed over to social services (not sure location)

I recently read a few articles one of which was this one Almost hocus pocus except it’s not.

When reading my new non id info it was easier to read between the lines than the lines themselves. Not quite the same as the first non id I got. No longer looking for 4 siblings am I. I am not the youngest of 4 –well, I do have 4 half sibs but there are more. Mom had 7 children with my “legal” father. She was still married technically even though she left with me (or i came later) and she changed her name. We almost made it, Mom. 🙂 After she died of a different cause than previously told to me, the neighbors handed me over to the state. For some reason DSS thought I was bi racial so it took some time for me to be placed (they had to see what color I turned into) It is said that my foster mother wanted to keep me but they didn’t let her. (I believe this as I seem to have wanted to return to her) She didn’t seem to care what race I was. Maybe the neighbors who babysat me were black? Maybe abusive Legal Father said I was half black? Who knows. My mother had strawberry blonde Hair like me—not Brown hair. They maintain the English/German thing. The seven siblings were living with the “legal” father’s parents. He signed me away in August 1967. 2 days before I met my new parents in 1968 it was said that I was pretty with blonde curly hair, fair coloring,  and blue eyes. I was quite responsive and very happy child.

One of the 1934-1967 NY women looked at had 7 kids and lived in Seneca NY. I wonder now as this woman didn’t seem to have a lot of info available. This would be true of my mother as well.

I’m so glad I never approached my bio dad’s family. I need to know what happened to my mother first. Something is not jiving although this new info makes more sense. The youngest of the children with “legal” father was 5 when I was born. I don’t know if they knew of me or not. The teen aged boys should have lord only knows what they were told much less what they believed. It’s said she left because of the stress of raising a large family and the “pressure to seek mental Health treatment” —-sounds like the old “I’ll have you committed” if this or that threat to me. “There was also the suggestion that there was domestic violence.” —–Ya think? Anyhow this was 1960 so it was probably sugar coated. Ok so he run her off. The suspected “legal” dad died 10 years after. If he remarried I’m sure there was domestic violence there too. The youngest of my siblings would still have been 16 when he died. Hopefully the grandparents were still alive to help him though. Of course I still don’t know who Mom and “legal” father was. More needs to be done to determine this for sure.

We are up to 10 half siblings now. Unless the mystery Shirley Reed was my mother. Then that would solve most the puzzle–it isn’t likely it is her. She would be the only other possibility using DNA and following the x while paying attention to haplogroup using a female  2nd cousin match.

I do wish Gedmatch was online though as I really need to look at my admixure one more time —Closer! Where DOES this talk of Biracial come in? I can only guess. My hair was curly but not kinky like it is now. I know my black friends and co workers always said that they thought I was black lol. My DNA shows quite European. Biracial can mean anything though not just Black and White.

I don’t know really how I feel. I felt anger almost at first. Now I feel like my mother needs an advocate or something. I’ve often felt we were on the run, now this sort of suggests it.

Page 1 of New Non ID

Page 1 of New Non ID

Page 2 New Non ID

Page 2 New Non ID

Happy Valentine’s Day

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Now it’s not only Valentine’s Day but a Saturday night. Get off of gedmatch so I can get on lol My cousin from Ancestry who was 10 matches up from my 3rd cousin on FTDNA and Gedmatch, finally uploaded  to gedmatch. She is not ready for one to many (last I knew) but I was able to see some things and compare her to my matches. She doesn’t share as much cM as  I thought she would. So what does that mean? Does it mean that the 10 people between her and my other cousin  are only 1cM apart? Wow Whee. I waited for someone to mail  something off for me. Hmm hmm. And they slow walked me. For WEEKS. Finally, they shipped not only that certain item for me, but their kits that I paid for them to take. Yay. So I will be in all 3 pools plus have a couple of known relatives in there too. Should be very interesting  to see. Ancestry trees are helpful but not nearly as important as FTDNA’s data. I like to see how long a block and how much cM without having to pester and provide tutorials to matches to get them on gedmatch. To an adoptee with no name, it’s vital to see how much a match and I share. The trees on ancestry are good, but would be better if we all were on a huge wiki type tree. DNA attached. Sure there would be blunders here and there. But it would all but sound off buzzers when you actually connected. Finding that MRCA would be a lot easier. I got in huge trouble using member connect on ancestry and also the merge feature. Thought I was being a regular smarty pants. Then…..I had to get rid of some wives and “twins” and mother in laws as siblings and mothers as spouses. That last one was because of the “member connect” who was tripping when they did exactly what I was doing. I got most of it fixed without losing too many legit 2nd and 3rd spouses. But when your eyes start watering and you are nodding out, it’s best to quit any methodology you may be working on. And getting carried away with lol

Chr Start Location End Location Centimorgans (cM) SNPs
3 3533555 7506715 10.5 1445
5 73151031 107169632 32.6 6621

Largest segment = 32.6 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 43.0 cM
Estimated number of generations to MRCA = 4.2

Above is my cousin (Female) on ancestry who is next in line after my 2nd cousin. She does not match her and shares no X with me. We have determined that we match through a Moore/Ellsworth of NY. Possibly their son Otis but not his wife a Mahaney.

About 10-15 people down is my ftdna cousin (Male) who has that adopted great grandfather on his mother’s side.

Chr Start Location End Location Centimorgans (cM) SNPs
13 30545353 74577343 43.8 10739

Largest segment = 43.8 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 43.8 cM
Estimated number of generations to MRCA = 4.2

He does not share on X either nor does he match my second cousin or my Above cousin.

I can’t wait until my cousin (Female) is ready for one to many so I can do more with the data. I’d like to see where they put her. I wonder why Ancestry put her so fare above the rest? They did this before I had any name that matched or circles. The only 2 circles I have are of people who match on my second cousin’s side. Flint/Hart. that is my Rodman Lewis Reed Patchin Phelps West etc.

I don’t do a lot with my second cousins data because her tree is a contradiction to itself within itself and other’s trees who share ancestors. I don’t know what to believe. Even the census makes it unclear who is who or with who. Tons of servents and borders and name changes (nicknames and typos?) Cousins/nieces lived with inlaws etc. I seem to connect with her on all sides. Makes me wonder if we just “share too much DNA” and not truly that close. Crossed lines so to speak? Quakers with tons of kids. Very difficult. She says she has no clue and that she didn’t research whatever side I’m on. i know I’m on that one side but maybe the other also. There are some Clarks, Wheelers, and Tuttles complicating  things. I have two different Hawkins lines in there also.

Chr Start Location End Location Centimorgans (cM) SNPs
4 16777099 34640744 20.8 3624
5 110660142 122475673 10.5 2686
5 159293063 166764272 9.4 1712
8 18402373 26415074 13.7 2663
9 4080724 22002051 33.9 6305
9 77532718 85911749 12.1 2262
14 32497368 57124732 25.4 5816
14 93508235 96686114 8.7 1304
16 13512559 26879594 21.1 2898
19 53609969 61067752 27.7 2390

Largest segment = 33.9 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 183.5 cM
Estimated number of generations to MRCA = 3.1

We Do share on X

Chr Start Location End Location Centimorgans (cM) SNPs
X 3113318 21971664 30.1 2631

Largest segment = 30.1 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 30.1 cM Actual.

So I figured since we shared on X that she might get it from her father who gets it from his mother but not his dad and so on. So there is 3 grands But we share a Great. So I went back and said well the x can be from her grandmother but NOT her grandfather and his Dad. But there is the Great grandmother on that side. BUT she feels we are connected through her grandfather’s bro and was wiling to have her 1st cousin (male) test if I paid for it. So I had to think about that X and the fact that I don’t seem to share many surnames on that side. Her  paternal  Grandfather and his Bro got X from the mother(Great) But could not have passed it to her through the Father. Yeah, so I look at my other cousins. It’s a shame as we share a lot of DNA.

I wonder since the two female cousins don’t match each other and one shares X with me and one doesn’t if they share on chromosome 5 on different sides. I feel the second cousin is on my Father’s side (lots of cousins on  this side) and the Other one is on my mother’s side (hardly any cousins on this side). The fella I think is on my father’s side too but too far back to match my second cousin. It seems like it’s on his adopted Great grandfather’s side (hahaha). I have other cousin’s that were convinced I  was on their father’s side but it turns out I was on that side that connects to my second cousin. Again too far back to match her. Rodman.  Always a Rodman lol I found a living Rodman who seemed very interested until I offered to pay for a DNA test for them. Haven’t heard a thing since. Maybe they will surprise me and just appear in my matches one day. I feel we would at least be 1st cousins  or something.

I have a nice big group of cousins who all match on chromo 10. Don’t know what is so special about that place yet.

I’ve sent away for an obit of a person who has very little posted online. She will ruin every theory I have. I don’t know if this is easy to follow or not but here it goes. I’m pretty sure I have those Reed/Rodmans in my DNA. the one suspect to be my grandmother married a Ketcham. Quite a few of his ancestors are in my cousins trees. Looks right. Ketcham father. Possibly mating with a Graham/Peltier Or Rowe (Moore decedent) My mother. Really not sure about that. BUT this person ruins this whole theory because–She is the sister of the Reed of Reed/Rodman AND she married a MOORE. Crap. If she is my grandmother and she connects these two “sides” it ruins everything. Because now we are left needing another “side” Still my mother. This is where my second cousins tree that has two different women down as bio mom of these female sibs destroys my search. It’s important. My mother’s Mother has to have the right haplogroup U5b2c2. How I know these girls  don’t  have that? My second cousin. These girls are her grandmother’s sister’s. If they share her mother (and they should) they are not my haplogroup. Another reason I believe it’s on my father’s side. Anything goes if it’s a male from that side (grandfather). BUt It points to one of these sisters (female Reeds) if NOT a male Rodman.

A search angel that keeps in touch with me and has access to my DNA etc. is concerned about the lack of any sign of my mother. Was I born in Canada? Germany? England? Scotland? Was I born here but she from another country? She is off the grid. All this genealogy going on and no one 1934-1967 in the state of NY who matches at all ever? These older siblings…they don’t remember their mother being prego just a few short months  before she died? If she died in Jan 1967 I was born on the last day of Sept the year prior. I was 3 months old. The sibs were at the very least 2 4 6 and 8. Most likely older. Where they gone? Did they actually die in infancy? Were we all shipped off? Was I the only one shipped off and they never seen their mother prego? Did she die in prison? Was I born in prison? Was I kidnapped? Was my mother told I was stillborn? Did she just die last week? It’s maddening. Traditional search never worked because there were no mutual searchers. At least not with info like mine. I’m disregarded because they are looking for anyone but a female born on September 30, 1966 with a dead mother. I found a fellow born on my birthday but a few years prior in NY. I wrote him (replied through his search query) No response. He just posted the thing. He disregarded me because of non id. Such trust we put in a system who lies to us about everything else. They sealed the  records. What makes us think they felt a need to give us the truth. Why? They are not accountable. Why would  they be when we aren’t to find out the truth anyways? They could tell us any old thing. How would we know? But still, we disregard each other, just the way it was intended.

I wanted to go home. I was too young to know my way. They say my name was Lucinda.

I wanted to go home. I was too young to know my way. They say my name was Lucinda.

Still at it…..An update…

This time I found a potential cousin using information from my DNA matches but he has not tested. His wife has a great tree on Ancestry. So I was brave and contacted her. She replied pretty quick and it sounds like they are interested/curious. I know this because she said “We are curious” lol. This is great news for me. I explained that due to a common ancestor with a different cousin then her husbands I’ve focused now on that surname. This may turn out to be my Birth father’s side. I’m thinking her husband could be a closer match than my second cousin. His wife seems to be great at genealogy. Her tree is well cited and it’s complete with some photos and accurate information. We exchanged emails and I’m now waiting for her to check things out. Her keen eye may spot something I couldn’t. Plus it helps to actually have a tree 🙂 Perhaps he will test and this will either rule them out or NOT. Not would be nice.

Last night I took a walk down memory lane and shared some memories with a friend about my childhood. OOPS. She now understands my sense of humor. I need it. I learned it at a young age. She asked and off I went. I shared a minor story or two. I forget sometimes how unique my upbringing was. But so be it. Twasn’t so bad. Just a lot of head games. It was hard raising my parents but I got through.. 🙂

I have things coming and going in this house. I went nuts looking for my cash box with my fancy inks/pens/markers in it. Never did find it.  I wanted to include a little creativity in my life before I go mad. Everything is packed away and nothing is really set up here as I would like it. I can’t just mosey over to any one place in this house and just create. It’s a chore to create a spot and get everything out and put it back. Not like home. I have things more convenient there.

The Grand baby and Furry Kids seem to be happy. Food, Fun, and Going bye bye seem to be enough to keep them happy. They have no idea why I get online so much lately though. I bribe them all so I can. I also stay up late so I can. 🙂

FTDNA finally completed the Geno 2.0 transfer so now my U5B2C2 is proudly displayed and searchable. No new matches on there, Gedmatch or ancestry. They are probably all on 23andme. I may have to include them in my search as soon as money permits. I have a few mouths to feed first.

I’ve been going through on FTDNA and putting notes everywhere. It helps to determine for example if a male matches me on x then I at least know to look on his mother’s side. I have seen a few kits managed by someone else and I hope they at least put the sex right of the actual DNA. It worries me a little on some of them.  If they are married on their little tree (if they have one) it helps determine the sex if they have a username that could be anything along with a photo of a couple. I always think Wow. Just Wow. I don’t want to think of a couple’s DNA for some reason lol Not to mention the little pink or blue person is gone. I have one that is not married and has a photo of a couple. That is not cool but at least I didn’t share x with this person as it would leave a question mark  in my notes. I match a couple of U5s and one U5B2 something else. A lot of people don’t test for that so that isn’t too helpful. I wonder if the U5b2 is close enough? I’m thinking of testing my oldest daughter with FF +FSM just to see how accurate it is. I worry it may confuse things for me further though. She may end up closer to my matches than I am. Then what?

My ex natural mother finally logged into her account and discovered her 2nd kit was lost in the mail. She is getting another one she says. I told her straight out it’s driving me crazy not knowing if she was at least a distant or remote cousin for that joke test years ago to show us as a match. We did match on 3 markers (if those lotus things were markers). We were not “qualifying people” but like I’ve said in prior posts, we had no clue. It was a peace of mind test. What peace of mind is it to have inconclusive results that look like you are mother and daughter? I wonder how many other people have been “reunited” with these bogus results. I’d hate to think my sibling was “reunited” years ago and quit looking based on those results.

This was that "peace of mind" test that offered no Peace of mind. See the confusion for two searchers longing for family?

This was that “peace of mind” test that offered no Peace of mind. See the confusion for two searchers longing for family?

The assumption of motherhood confirmed. Not nice, people. Not nice.

That was then and this is now. Now I’m fishing a bigger pool. Still would like to know if we are connected at all genetically. Seems we were no more likely related than thousands of others. Or would it just be hundreds? Maybe she will actually send her kit in this time and we’ll see.