Pep in my Hobbling Step

99.998% sure I just got off the phone with my Brother. He is not only going to do DNA but is going to get it himself. After I received my updated non id info it shed light on an old candidate for a mother who got put on a back burner due to marital and child differences. He has a great sense of humor and was like talking to FAMILY, It seems they had a lot of questions growing up that this discovery (ME) seems to answer.

Thanks to DNA and Melanie and Julia and my special cousin Taffey and Wendy and others,  I think we found them. I got off the phone knowing I had to correct my DNA tree a tad (still don’t think it’s right) I had great grands wrong on one line so didn’t get DNA HINTs but I had the 22 other DNA hints. But I went to the store. I blabbered to the cashier —he was very supportive. lol Poor fella. I have been having a few aches, pains and concerns lately but somehow there was a little pep in step on the way to my suv. I almost cried then I didn’t then I was a little mad about the time wasted—then happy—No, I think I will cry, nope ok. I talked to myself on the way to and from the store. I didn’t care. How dare they keep us all in the dark with our suspicions? Well my brother and I talked for hours. We laughed he said I sound like my sister including the things I say itself. They had mysteries and things they wondered about but never knew about me. When I told him I’ll try to spit it out quicker and spare him details he said “no tell everything–this is like too smooth as it is answering so many questions we had and blank periods of times and missing pieces.”  He was VERY interested. I couldn’t believe it as usually I have to hurry and sum things up not to bore people. OMG.

This is unbelievable and I can’t express my feelings completely because I don’t know them. Connection? Truth? I can’t believe this. i am so happy. I hope they send a photo of ….Our Mom? Is it Our MOM? I have stood alone my whole life other than my own kids and grandkids etc. Could it be? I’m not alone? I think I may be happy. I’m scared a little too. i hope I’m not too fat or ugly or old or TOO anything. I hope I’m enough. This is wild. I hope it’s true.

It seems I am not “that damn baby” after all. My siblings  didn’t know and it looks like my maternal grand parents may not have either.

So I’m going to make some coffee and do a little of this and that. And see if they got my email yet 🙂

More than little Pink and Blue people

FTDNA is having huge problems. I lost all my matches–did a bug report and got them back half a day later. Later that night, my daughters matches disappeared. She had all her new matches for a few days including me. However she has yet to appear in my matches. Now this. To top it all off, I got an email a few minutes ago announcing my new matches on FTDNA. I get there and not only are there no new matches since the 22nd but my daughter’s matches are still missing. My project updates when clicked on say “Houston there’s a problem” or something or other. Seems like they fix one thing and another breaks. I can’t do a bug report for my kit with the missing matches because it uses the same email as the one that they fixed. It comes back as “closed” due to this. I like FTDNA’s straight forward tools and want to recommend them so their database grows. Between them being so slow and having these problems it’s hard to refer anyone to them right now. My matches are more than little pink and blue people to collect on a tree. They are clues to my past-my heritage. I messaged their facebook page as that is where they urged us all to send in bug reports. My mtDNA came in earlier than what they delayed it too. As I figured, my 0 distance matches either don’t match me on FF or haven’t done the FF. It’s Ok as I know that there are 3 people who are my haplogroup U5b2c2b from Ireland and Poland. FTDNA only reports the u5b2c2 but James Lick has the more current U5B2C2b. I never seem to get any new 4th or closer matches on ancestry or 23andme.

I’m waiting on snail mail concerning my “updated” non id. My DNA expert guy is out of town and hopefully will return soon to work on my mother’s side. He has come up with the same candidates for my birth father and an additional one for a mother. If It’s J then he had 2 woman pregnant at the same time. I was born 4 months before his daughter with another woman. He is the most likely. He has 3 kids by other women. His brother (B) was married and had 3 children to the same woman all those years. He is less likely. There is a slight chance that I am the daughter of these brother’s Maternal 1st cousin (S). She is the least likely but only because of location and the lack of info. We have to follow the X here so those are the 3. Either one of those brother’s would give me 3 half siblings and 3 1st cousins. That is IF they aren’t adopted. There is another possibility and that is if their mother had put a mystery child up for adoption unknown to anyone. I have given it a lot of thought and have decided there really is no good way to contact them. One wife is still living and the other (J) we don’t know although I know they were separated when he died. I know it could possibly help to nail this birth father down but then again not really. A guy can get anyone pregnant anywhere. If they weren’t an “item” and it sounds like they weren’t, then who would know? Also, it could be some other circumstance. I don’t see any point in bothering the sibs/1st cousins from this side. I’m focused on my mother and the 4 sibs from her side. There is an Aunt (J and B’s sister) who could possibly know but she could also spread the word and slam the door so to speak in my face rather quickly.  Knowing it’s one of the 3 mentioned is enough for now. Perhaps one day I’ll offer to buy a kit for one of the birth father’s kids but I need to know what happened to my mother first. Without knowing this it could be a nightmare for all involved. The “What ifs” can drive one mad here. Just now as I write this I’m thinking of an entirely different possibility and it involves an unknown Helen–spouse of the least likely candidate’s father. This could be vital as I am looking at a few Helens on my dna trees. These are the things I need answered before I approach anyone. I’m making progress though. Lots of set backs but I’m getting there. No matter what candidate is the one, I now know that I have a few more siblings than just the 4 🙂

I named this little art diary doodle “I Exist.” Believe it or not, I do as did my mother despite any denial.

Doodle in my little Art Diary. I mod podged it to death and then edited in picasa to make up for it 🙂

Learning A lot through DNA that hasn’t a thing to do with DNA.

I’m officially fishing in all three pools. I’m on gedmatch. I’m waiting. My first 3 closest matches after my second cousin are private. I got a lot of people sharing genomes with me and for that I’m grateful. I’ve lost 8 cousins from my 23andMe list although  I’m no where near the 1000 cap people speak of.  I lost them a couple of days ago and no new matches since. I’ve heard that usually happens when you have 1000 and only with your more distant ones. These were not the most distant ones and I’m no where near the cap. One woman on a forum said that it usually means you’ve sent an invite and they ran, pulling their data from the pool, leaving town and joining the witness protection program. I thought that was funny but a friend corrected that. They said it was the “witless protection program.”

I’ve always thought the origins part of the DNA was a fun fact for sharing or something out of curiosity. And it is usually I’m sure. But it is so much more/less to some. I stumbled upon this by looking up a cousin and looking to see what cousins we share. I got poking around and found another interesting website that they frolicked about at. Seems a lot of the participants of this mailing list did their dna. How nice I thought. Could be a surname project or something. So I’m reading and reading and READING. Must be the WHITE family. Interesting. Still reading. Oh. My. God. I am so stupid. Not the WHITE family. But, the white family. Discussing their whiteness. No, really, it was that. THAT. So apparently white supremacists use modern technology too now a days. Wow. After finding this and other sites and codes and semi-secret languages, I realize that all that innocent sharing may not be that innocent. Yes, I’m naive at times at least until I’m not. So, could it be that some of those ignored invites and emails could be due to something other than them not getting the message? Or not being into genealogy? Or being selfish? Or being dead? Or due to them feeling you are too hard (distant) to figure out a connection with? Or too proud to admit a NPE? Could it instead be that they did in fact not only get the correspondence but took a little peak at your origins? Check you out and make a conscience decision to snub you due to your origins? Are you not of the correct ethnicity? It is possible. Very possible. I had no idea. The thought had sort of crossed my mind but I was thinking “surely not”. Surely possible! People are but a strange silly group of beings. If one group does it, others may very well do it. So don’t ever feel bad about ignored messages, you simply may not be ________enough. Fill that in with whatever. Truth is truth.

What gets me is how a family may not consider you a “real” relative because of a lack of paper trail. As I’ve said before, a paper trail is something you make when you step on toilet paper in a public restroom. But all the other things their ancestors did are quite fine. When you deny or revise history it is called Lying. It happened. Truth. I read where this man said that he knows for fact what his great grandparents did before his grandparents were even born. He knew without a doubt what they didn’t do. Really? You don’t even know what your child is doing when not in your presence. How could you possibly know this? Oh yes, it wasn’t written down. I do lots of things I don’t write down. At work it was said if it isn’t written down, it didn’t happen. I know a lot of things that didn’t happen were also written down. Now what? I know, the world is pink and fuzzy and no one ever lies and nothing ever goes wrong. Got it.

So as I looked at my lack of close cousins, I got to thinking of fellow adoptees in search for siblings in NY. I was going to buy one a test. Apparently she found her only sibling and a dead mother. She “knows” she did. There were no more siblings or half siblings. No DNA. So her search is over. Ok. Another one I emailed. He is giving up on his search as he feels hopeless. I can relate. He has not done DNA. I’m thinking in my head “For the love of God do DNA. Why would you trust methods that haven’t worked in all these years? Why do you believe anything you were told that have NOT panned out in all these years? Why would you wait for some record of anything that may have been falsified anyways?” Instead I just tried to nudge him gently. I get it, I do. But it just gets me that my siblings, if they have ever even existed have given up, didn’t do DNA, or think they were reunited and really weren’t. Or they are looking under false information or worse yet, correct information that there is no way their adopted out siblings would know. Every time I see “I’m ISO Firstname Lastname of Ihavenowayofknowing City, SomestateIwouldn’tknow  born to the BirthnameIhavenoknowlegeof. If you are that person please contact me” it just kills me inside. Like anyone knows their birth name or parents or siblings’ or location let alone the hospital etc.

I’ve learned  something else, all over again at that. There are still quite a few people who would love nothing more than to hinder your search. Sabotage your efforts and sway you. Believe it. They will even pose as adoptees or helpers. They are still out there. You’ll recognize them when you see them and hopefully soon enough. They fish for information to see how much you know and figure out what they need to hide/block.  Sounds paranoid I know. That is why it works. If someone tells you a method is ridiculous, beware, as you may be too close to something they want to hide. I think it would be smart if everyone in search had a blood relative like a child on gedmatch with an alias and a different email. Just to see who may contact them about you and to see what they say. Just something to think about. Wouldn’t that be a trip to get an email referring to your own gedmatch number and to hear how you are trouble or something like that? I’m sure they wouldn’t say “Hide there is that orphan/foundling hot on your trail” but perhaps they would put some kind of fear in them in order to manipulate/ hinder. That would suck. You figure people get blacklisted all the time. Why not for this too? I know, one shouldn’t entertain these thoughts. But then again I shouldn’t have to do a lot of things.

Waiting………

Before I got my kit from 23andMe  I checked around the forums and set up a profile. I did some research and followed posts which showed me the waiting times. I knew I was going to get my kit there but wasn’t sure where I was getting the other kits from. The short waiting times reported back in early February sold me. It seems the minute my kits were received by them things came to an abrupt stop. I’m not alone.  I’m part of the stuck on step 4 group. I know they say allow 4-6 weeks from the time they mark it received (step 3) but the feedback was showing a week=tops, that is before I got the kits. I’ve been stuck on step 4 for a month now. They blamed the snow in NC. I have a kit sent to CA. and it is just as stuck. The problem with this extra waiting for me is, aside from me checking the site constantly, I feel like it’s setting me up for more disappointment. If the results came in already and there were no  close matches then that would be that. Instead I’m going to be so glad that they are actually done it’s going to be a greater let down if there is nothing really there. Blame the snow ….job maybe lol

My “first pagers” that communicate with me have no idea how we connect.  My DNA tree is a mess. I did find common ancestors but really have no idea how recent they are. No sign that any non id is even close. I have not received the updated non id yet. It would be nice if I did. Every “lead” has fizzled out for one reason or another.  DNAancestry matches are all out of order I found out.  FTDNA and gedmatch seem to agree more. Ancestry has a 43cM match with not so long a block way ahead of a match who shares 70cM and a much longer block. They are both on the same amount of chromosomes. There appears to be no rhyme nor reason to ancestry’s assessment to cousins.  Not all are on gedmatch so it makes things rough. I’d love to see my 23andMe results.

My one time but no longer birth mom’s origins are about identical to mine. (Yes her results are done) No we are not even remote cousins. I’d love to have her on gedmatch to lower the threshold just to see how in the hell that old DNA company could call us mother and daughter 13 years ago. At least if we were 7th cousins I could understand a little bit. But it’s too much at this point to urge her to upload to gedmatch. She doesn’t seem that into it. I was sure that we would at least be 5th cousins or something so I could at least say “not enough markers tested but I can see we connect distantly” But NO not even that close.  No match at all. Really, how dare they? Or was my swab contaminated some how back then? I don’t dare think too much on it. I can’t help but think “What the hell did they test exactly? Enough to determine we were both mostly European?” Enough of that walk down memory lane.

One more 1st pager closer than all others is all I need. Actually, my 3rd and  4th cousins want to know too. It may help with some of their brick walls as well.  This journey is exciting and nerve wracking all at once. I’m glad for the technology and chance to find out some answers. I’m also glad that maybe one day my DNA might provide answers for someone else. I am hopeful that it may help me in my lifetime. Maybe it taking an extra long time is because I am going to find a close match. Maybe the lab is on strike. Maybe the whole batch got contaminated. They need to fess up and just sent us new kits plus a coupon for a free one with no expiration date. Maybe I’ll end up checking yet again in the next few minutes although my goal was NOT to for a while lol They can’t tell us all that there is something wrong with our sample and have us believe it. We have already compared notes. No one is moving a long at all what so ever. Many of us have different kits at different labs. They were moving right along just fine, ahead of schedule no less, that is until I sent mine in. Then it all stopped. Crickets…………… Torture. By writing this post I am sure I will have an update or two. Or at least I’ll see someone else on the forum(s) does. I’m following at least 5 threads about this waiting time issue. Something is going on. Maybe it is just the snow. Or maybe it is more important clients than us consumers. They may be working on something special. I can’t imagine anything more important than our kits. If it is that big of a project then get more equipment and help for it. Work more hours. Don’t put us all off. Bigger project should equal more money.  Throw some money into it and make the customers happy. We are all going gray waiting. Some of us may be bald pulling out hair out by the time things catch up.

Patience. I am going to just check and not get my hopes up. If my results are ready….same thing. Grain of salt. No biggie. I  can’t stand it.

Down the Basement Stairs….

I woke up in the wee hours of the morning and before I flung myself down the basement stairs I decided to take one last look at my laptop. I checked 23andMe —still demoted to step 3. My son’s kit is still suck on step 4 NOT 4.5 but 4. New remote matches on ancestry. I had already 2nd 3rd and 4th guessed myself on everything I ever thought about this whole thing. I was ready to un-attach myself from my little pretend person on my DNA tree. I checked FTDNA and seen my upgrade of course wasn’t ready and no new matches that were close. This time when I checked  my projects I decided  to google the only U5b2c2 match I had because it appeared on a New York state project. I don’t know if this person also did FF and just doesn’t match or if she only did mtdna. Which ever it was I checked out her tree anyways. Just about all the surnames in my matches were there. The Irish connection that my 3rd cousins and I have been looking for may very well be a FRENCH from Ireland. I added only her daughters and their daughters down the lines. I added notes. The only males I added were the ones needed to show any possible daughter’s surnames if by chance they were not recorded. I did add the first hubby and sons just in case they turn out to be on my matches’ trees. I saw a lot of similarities in facial features when I looked them all up on find a grave. That little spark of hope. The one that made me forget about the cellar steps. 🙂 I made another discovery. That second cousin is probably a 3rd or 4th. I share another cousin from a different side of her tree. They mingled lol The woman in Ireland may have also had sisters, aunts and certainly had a mother. It’s entirely possible I come off of them too. But this is something. Something more than what I had.  I have some more to keep my eyes peeled for. One of the surnames down the tree is Born. I have a Living Born in my tree now and I like that. It doesn’t show anything that matches my non id for my mother but of course nothing does at all ever. My mother most likely will never appear on anyone’s tree but mine. Someday.

Happy Valentine’s Day

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Now it’s not only Valentine’s Day but a Saturday night. Get off of gedmatch so I can get on lol My cousin from Ancestry who was 10 matches up from my 3rd cousin on FTDNA and Gedmatch, finally uploaded  to gedmatch. She is not ready for one to many (last I knew) but I was able to see some things and compare her to my matches. She doesn’t share as much cM as  I thought she would. So what does that mean? Does it mean that the 10 people between her and my other cousin  are only 1cM apart? Wow Whee. I waited for someone to mail  something off for me. Hmm hmm. And they slow walked me. For WEEKS. Finally, they shipped not only that certain item for me, but their kits that I paid for them to take. Yay. So I will be in all 3 pools plus have a couple of known relatives in there too. Should be very interesting  to see. Ancestry trees are helpful but not nearly as important as FTDNA’s data. I like to see how long a block and how much cM without having to pester and provide tutorials to matches to get them on gedmatch. To an adoptee with no name, it’s vital to see how much a match and I share. The trees on ancestry are good, but would be better if we all were on a huge wiki type tree. DNA attached. Sure there would be blunders here and there. But it would all but sound off buzzers when you actually connected. Finding that MRCA would be a lot easier. I got in huge trouble using member connect on ancestry and also the merge feature. Thought I was being a regular smarty pants. Then…..I had to get rid of some wives and “twins” and mother in laws as siblings and mothers as spouses. That last one was because of the “member connect” who was tripping when they did exactly what I was doing. I got most of it fixed without losing too many legit 2nd and 3rd spouses. But when your eyes start watering and you are nodding out, it’s best to quit any methodology you may be working on. And getting carried away with lol

Chr	Start Location	End Location	Centimorgans (cM)	SNPs
3	3533555	7506715	10.5	1445
5	73151031	107169632	32.6	6621

Largest segment = 32.6 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 43.0 cM
Estimated number of generations to MRCA = 4.2

Above is my cousin (Female) on ancestry who is next in line after my 2nd cousin. She does not match her and shares no X with me. We have determined that we match through a Moore/Ellsworth of NY. Possibly their son Otis but not his wife a Mahaney.

About 10-15 people down is my ftdna cousin (Male) who has that adopted great grandfather on his mother’s side.

Chr	Start Location	End Location	Centimorgans (cM)	SNPs
13	30545353	74577343	43.8	10739

Largest segment = 43.8 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 43.8 cM
Estimated number of generations to MRCA = 4.2

He does not share on X either nor does he match my second cousin or my Above cousin.

I can’t wait until my cousin (Female) is ready for one to many so I can do more with the data. I’d like to see where they put her. I wonder why Ancestry put her so fare above the rest? They did this before I had any name that matched or circles. The only 2 circles I have are of people who match on my second cousin’s side. Flint/Hart. that is my Rodman Lewis Reed Patchin Phelps West etc.

I don’t do a lot with my second cousins data because her tree is a contradiction to itself within itself and other’s trees who share ancestors. I don’t know what to believe. Even the census makes it unclear who is who or with who. Tons of servents and borders and name changes (nicknames and typos?) Cousins/nieces lived with inlaws etc. I seem to connect with her on all sides. Makes me wonder if we just “share too much DNA” and not truly that close. Crossed lines so to speak? Quakers with tons of kids. Very difficult. She says she has no clue and that she didn’t research whatever side I’m on. i know I’m on that one side but maybe the other also. There are some Clarks, Wheelers, and Tuttles complicating  things. I have two different Hawkins lines in there also.

Chr	Start Location	End Location	Centimorgans (cM)	SNPs
4	16777099	34640744	20.8	3624
5	110660142	122475673	10.5	2686
5	159293063	166764272	9.4	1712
8	18402373	26415074	13.7	2663
9	4080724	22002051	33.9	6305
9	77532718	85911749	12.1	2262
14	32497368	57124732	25.4	5816
14	93508235	96686114	8.7	1304
16	13512559	26879594	21.1	2898
19	53609969	61067752	27.7	2390

Largest segment = 33.9 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 183.5 cM
Estimated number of generations to MRCA = 3.1

We Do share on X

Chr	Start Location	End Location	Centimorgans (cM)	SNPs
X	3113318	21971664	30.1	2631

Largest segment = 30.1 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 30.1 cM Actual.

So I figured since we shared on X that she might get it from her father who gets it from his mother but not his dad and so on. So there is 3 grands But we share a Great. So I went back and said well the x can be from her grandmother but NOT her grandfather and his Dad. But there is the Great grandmother on that side. BUT she feels we are connected through her grandfather’s bro and was wiling to have her 1st cousin (male) test if I paid for it. So I had to think about that X and the fact that I don’t seem to share many surnames on that side. Her  paternal  Grandfather and his Bro got X from the mother(Great) But could not have passed it to her through the Father. Yeah, so I look at my other cousins. It’s a shame as we share a lot of DNA.

I wonder since the two female cousins don’t match each other and one shares X with me and one doesn’t if they share on chromosome 5 on different sides. I feel the second cousin is on my Father’s side (lots of cousins on  this side) and the Other one is on my mother’s side (hardly any cousins on this side). The fella I think is on my father’s side too but too far back to match my second cousin. It seems like it’s on his adopted Great grandfather’s side (hahaha). I have other cousin’s that were convinced I  was on their father’s side but it turns out I was on that side that connects to my second cousin. Again too far back to match her. Rodman.  Always a Rodman lol I found a living Rodman who seemed very interested until I offered to pay for a DNA test for them. Haven’t heard a thing since. Maybe they will surprise me and just appear in my matches one day. I feel we would at least be 1st cousins  or something.

I have a nice big group of cousins who all match on chromo 10. Don’t know what is so special about that place yet.

I’ve sent away for an obit of a person who has very little posted online. She will ruin every theory I have. I don’t know if this is easy to follow or not but here it goes. I’m pretty sure I have those Reed/Rodmans in my DNA. the one suspect to be my grandmother married a Ketcham. Quite a few of his ancestors are in my cousins trees. Looks right. Ketcham father. Possibly mating with a Graham/Peltier Or Rowe (Moore decedent) My mother. Really not sure about that. BUT this person ruins this whole theory because–She is the sister of the Reed of Reed/Rodman AND she married a MOORE. Crap. If she is my grandmother and she connects these two “sides” it ruins everything. Because now we are left needing another “side” Still my mother. This is where my second cousins tree that has two different women down as bio mom of these female sibs destroys my search. It’s important. My mother’s Mother has to have the right haplogroup U5b2c2. How I know these girls  don’t  have that? My second cousin. These girls are her grandmother’s sister’s. If they share her mother (and they should) they are not my haplogroup. Another reason I believe it’s on my father’s side. Anything goes if it’s a male from that side (grandfather). BUt It points to one of these sisters (female Reeds) if NOT a male Rodman.

A search angel that keeps in touch with me and has access to my DNA etc. is concerned about the lack of any sign of my mother. Was I born in Canada? Germany? England? Scotland? Was I born here but she from another country? She is off the grid. All this genealogy going on and no one 1934-1967 in the state of NY who matches at all ever? These older siblings…they don’t remember their mother being prego just a few short months  before she died? If she died in Jan 1967 I was born on the last day of Sept the year prior. I was 3 months old. The sibs were at the very least 2 4 6 and 8. Most likely older. Where they gone? Did they actually die in infancy? Were we all shipped off? Was I the only one shipped off and they never seen their mother prego? Did she die in prison? Was I born in prison? Was I kidnapped? Was my mother told I was stillborn? Did she just die last week? It’s maddening. Traditional search never worked because there were no mutual searchers. At least not with info like mine. I’m disregarded because they are looking for anyone but a female born on September 30, 1966 with a dead mother. I found a fellow born on my birthday but a few years prior in NY. I wrote him (replied through his search query) No response. He just posted the thing. He disregarded me because of non id. Such trust we put in a system who lies to us about everything else. They sealed the  records. What makes us think they felt a need to give us the truth. Why? They are not accountable. Why would  they be when we aren’t to find out the truth anyways? They could tell us any old thing. How would we know? But still, we disregard each other, just the way it was intended.

I wanted to go home. I was too young to know my way. They say my name was Lucinda.

Waiting on a mom like you……

Well Update time. I found a woman a long time ago but some info didn’t quite match up plus no real proof. I bookmarked her. Since then she has come up a few more times but same story. This time she came up because of location, surname and a time period of one of her ancestors. Same woman. Still no real proof because no one has done DNA in her family. I looked to see how many trees she appears on and who manages them. I found one that uses the surname (of her children) with the number 62 next to it. Could that be their year of birth?  There is one sibling showing private on her tree and one that looks like she died within her first year of life. No info on any others. Her mother that would be my grandmother IF she’s my mother died 2 days before my birthday. The cause of death isn’t truly off. My mother was said to die of septicemia caused by streptococcal infection origin unknown. This woman may have died of septicemia but origin would definitely be known…severe diabetes. Heck of a thing to leave out huh? Well, I reached out and wrote to the tree owner. It shows they logged in yesterday so hopefully that wasn’t a once in a while event. No reply yet of course. Seeing as it’s the middle of the night and all….lol I copied the photo just in case I get blocked or something. If they go private then that may be an answer right there. If not maybe they will reply one way or the other. They only thing that troubles me a tad is the fact they weren’t looking for me. But, maybe they didn’t know. Maybe it’s the wrong person. Maybe anything. It’s hard to know whether to go forward or not when this happens. I can’t tell from the photo if she even looks like me. Her mother does a little. She fits the description but then again, who doesn’t? It’s a pretty vague description. My second cousin doesn’t seem too willing to share. My 3rd cousins sent surname lists and shared trees etc. They are trying as hard as they can, even stating that by helping me it could possibly help with their own ancestors. My second cousin does genealogy as a living. I wonder if she doesn’t know already some of my answers but doesn’t really want the likes of me in her tree. All I can do is wonder at this point. I’m hoping for just one more close match or just one reply. That would be more than nice. The part of “no extended family” isn’t so either but it may be half a statement. No extended family that wanted you. Or perhaps we didn’t try to notify any extended family. Same old questions. Maybe they will write back. Until then I’m going to force a nap since it’s going on 4am 😉

No News Is No News.

I have been checking for new matches daily and I’ve got a few new distant cousins. No top tens or anything. I’ve yet to find a match of any level with my U5B2C2 maternal haplogroup but there is a couple U5 s on Gedmatch. Not too many test mtDNA though. I revisited the geno 2.0 site and checked the “our story” section for the first time. Not a lot there but it’s a good idea  if only it was more interactive. There needs to be a well known forum or something for these members.

The last couple days I’ve been playing with data. Looking at surnames and going nuts wondering if my second cousin is actually not that close. When I look at other cousins trees and hers I see common surnames but dates and locations off. Just when I think I’ve found a sibling to a surname I’m following I find the parents are different. Second marriage? Typo? I am not sure. I have a 3rd/4th cousin who’s great grandfather was adopted. I may have found his dad, which will really help with my connection to this cousin. We’ll see. Both families were in Wisconsin and traveled back to Upstate NY during the same time period. It would be perfect. If it’s the case then I have a GGgrandparent. I still won’t know what side but it will help. As it stands now, I can’t go by that part of his tree because it will reflect adopted parents from that guys parents back.

Back to my second cousin. There is something really wrong with this. I think my grandparent from her Ggrandparents was adopted out or something. I’m having trouble with a common ancestor with people in common with her. Also, it’s almost like inlaws hooked up way back in her tree. Her paternal GGG surname is hooked up with her maternal GGG surname according to other peoples (dna matches)  trees. I know that can’t be the case but it feels better than that many typos. On ancestry I think people snatch up ancestors. I think they would be better off to just enter a name and put a question mark until they find the proper proof/paperwork. I know I would be better off that way 🙂 If there were some back and forth with inlaws or siblings of which dating back to GGgrandparents then it seems like we would both be getting a little more dna from all sides than normal. Perhaps we are more like 3rd cousins. Or we share just one Great grandparent. We are not at 212 cM we share 204.4 cM so that is a tad low for 2nds. We keep looking at men when it could have been a great granny or even just a granny who got into a little secret situation with my parent/grandparent. I know that I share a lot of x chromosome  with my female cousin who is only 6 years older than me. I heard that meant to rule out her paternal grandfather’s father because of the male to male thing with x. I don’t know because there is still a mother there that can give x to the son and other siblings. What I know is we are NOT related through her mother’s mother etc nor are we through my mother’s mother etc.

I take all these surnames periodically and try out the dates of my mother’s life. The one I found ended up in Iowa. I have 3rd cousins linked with Iowa. The story I found I hope is not my mother. Not because I don’t want some less than perfect story, it’s just because it’s so horrific that I could never hope for any relationship with these siblings not even a letter. I followed it right down to a survivor who’s only online presence is a mail list for a hobby/craft. The other survivor (possible sibling) looked a lot like me in photos but a lot shorter. The mother fit the description of my mother. The date and cause of death were a tad off. If this turns out to be my family there is no tactful way to approach them after all they have been through. They would want no reminder of me or the event that took place leading to their mother’s death. I would just have to remain silent and perhaps save a photo here and there. I put all the newspaper clipings, facebook pages, find a graves and photos in a folder on my desktop. The back burner for now. The surnames and approximate dates led me there and then finding the similarities kept me reading on. The mother was one of five kids and she had five kids. I have 5 kids. The father, after “it” happened remarried and had 5 more kids. It was the tragedy that I had nightmares about. It’s a long shot and I hope the state of NY would not have stretched the truth that much. In truth, the kids were old enough to have remembered me but …..I may have been the kid born out of wedlock that got sent away before anyone knew. This woman and her husband divorced 3 years prior to my birth and she lived alone with her kids until that day. It’s in a folder just by chance. I feel resentful that the state of NY would even let anyone go down that road of wondering if they fit in this tragedy or the next one that surely will present itself. I’ve been given this information that I have to guess what is true and if it’s a typo, lie or just bad record keeping. If my mother was dead who then gave this information? If she gave me up at birth then how would it contain information of her death at all. If the records were sealed then they wouldn’t have had that info so something was either made up or filled in before the records were sealed. It’s like a puzzle with not only missing pieces but jagged tore up muddy ones. Can’t tell if they fit or not at times.

I know I find nothing on my dna matches’ trees that look like my mother’s info. I find plenty everywhere that could have been my father.

Break Time….

I need a little break.

I am to the point that I hesitate to even post on DNA groups because I have to ask myself “What am I even asking?” The answer is Everything. I do read and try to study. The old brain doesn’t comprehend the way I want it to. Part of it is, when I’m online, I’m also cooking, telling small child to get off the dog, getting clothes ready etc etc etc. That is not going to change anytime soon. My concentration and focus will, I hope and soon. 🙂 I know more than I did yesterday but not much when it comes to DNA. I did a segment search on GEDmatch and thought it was just the neatest thing, except I had no idea how to save or analyze the report. I noted who matched on what chromosome then got confused as too how many chromosomes they matched on and how much they matched on each one. I was looking for patterns. I took a look at haplogroups and found some other U5 s. Yeah, I confused myself. I’m doing stuff over my head right now.

When I get like that I go back. it seems logical to just go back to the beginning and try to put things into proportion. My second cousin is going to help after the holidays. She doesn’t want to wreck anyone’s life with the knowledge of my existence. Not being funny here, it’s just the way it is. I know that we share a common great grandparent. Or two g grandparents? I wonder if we only share one grandparent if that would change things? It seems someone perhaps stepped out/cheated. Or did something out of wedlock. Which means we don’t share a set of anything. We are in the same generation. See how my thought process is (lacking)??? So I’m wondering since we are a 204.4 or so cM (ftdna stopped rounding things off) If we are connected by one grandparent and not 2 great grandparents. Can’t get my head around that.

I also did a myorigins search on ftdna while I waited for other matches to appear, my ancestry to post, and my geno 2.0 to transfer. I seen two 2nd – 4th cousins that matched my origins perfectly. On this page you don’t see profiles just their photos and their relationship to you. So, I went back to look for them within my matches so I could look at their trees and read their profile for surnames etc. Ah, they were not there. I went back and re read the origins and the drop down did show them as my matches. For some reason, these two only shared their origins information and not anything else. The myorigins even puts them on the map. They were both in NY, some other state, and in Scandinavia. FTDNA didn’t answer my email nor could find any info on this. It left me wondering how many matches we have that we simply don’t see because of their privacy settings. One I googled and she is into genealogy. It seems she would want to find matches, but maybe that is not the focus of her study. I know there are plenty of people just wanting to know certain things about their DNA and not necessarily wanting to know….people.  No alive new people will be added to their tree lol Perhaps when I die they may add me as an unattached person. A shrub, sapling or sucker to their mighty oak 😉

The geno 2.0 transfer.

I’m not certain what they are transferring since I’ve found out that test is different and wont show up for haplogroup projects. They accepted me to the U5 project but my data won’t post for them because of the testing being different. Great. Kind of defeats the purpose. I had no idea or I would have just got the full mtDNA on Ftdna. I thought because of them being the lab that handled genographic and they did the transfer it covered that. So my haplogoup won’t be searchable/viewable to the project. I was hoping to join a project to find matches within it. I joined anyways and might upgrade someday but not anytime soon. I can’t spare a dime right now. Thanks, Santa lol

I’m learning this all very slowly. I think I’m about to find my birth father. I’m wanting to know who my birth mother was. My online life goes like this–check for new matches on gedmatch, curl my lip a little, play with some tier 1 tools that I don’t understand, (I did understand the family tree projection one and it really helped my brain -but not my eyes following all those lines of possibilities), go to ftdna and hope for new matches, lip curl again, check stupid geno 2.0 transfer, check dnaancestry get mad and rant about hiring more people and working them more hours, look at hints for my pretend tree on ancestry. Find mistakes in other people’s trees and wonder if they want to know lol —compare trees and then I end with at least 30 surnames to put in front of 1933-1967, 1934-1967,1933-1966,1934-1966,1935-1967,1935-1966, then bookmark them all until I have more things to link them to……

My search Angels have all but passed out. I have two. They work in different ways and I try to let them know what the other is doing. One is not a search angel really, she works data bases sort of. The other is more of a genealogist that is learning DNA as well. Me, I’m all over the place but I feel that is needed sometimes. There are tried and true methods in searching, but in my case, they haven’t worked. Both of these people feel that non id info is correct for the most part. I’ve heard that it’s way off a lot of times by reunited adoptees. I question if they are actually reunited with the right person because of my own “match” 14 years ago. I don’t know, but I do know one or two years difference in age or dates can be huge. I know that I have no matches anywhere near Syracuse. A few that may have wondered through though.

I found a woman who had surnames of my matches in her family–she died in 1977 though and her son died in 67 of sepsis – not her. Can I rule her out? Not likely at this point anyways. She was 32 in 1966. There are other people like that with no kids listed but on the grave stone it says “Mother” …yeah. I don’t know what to look for with that because I have found Find a Grave memorials that show where they had 4 or more still births. Are those my “siblings”? Don’t know. Not enough information….ever…

It’s break time or time to break.

I quit a lot of search and reunion groups. Some because I really can’t take some of the cat fights. Some because of the people that expect …..everything. I’d be happy with a name and photo. I really would. I simply do just want to know. I’d be thrilled if there was an alive sibling who wanted to meet, but I would not DEMAND it, nor would I Whine if that isn’t possible. I quit one that just seemed like a huge clique. I’m at the stage in life that I find it hard to welcome negativity with opened arms. I quit some because I was simply on a roll with quitting groups that were non active, people griping or full of spam. I quit one that ignored the hell out of me lol (I kept the friends that I made on there though) I stayed in 2 that actually seem to be keeping up on spam and hate.

Some of the groups have members that think because my mother is supposedly dead that I am not a real adoptee. They feel that because my search isn’t mutual that it’s ridiculous. I do admit that at times, I think they are the ones that are ridiculous….them, with their names and locations and exact dates and their maps to the front doors of their family that scream and post after an hour of searching of how remarkable it was to “find” them. Then their screaming and demanding that they be welcomed and etc etc. Sometimes I want to cyber yell at them “You,you,you NAME PERSON!” lol In all seriousness, I don’t feel this way often or for a long time, but when I’m treated as the one that Actually doesn’t have the right to know, I do feel this way. I’ve had enough people in my life feel that I’m undeserving of anything at all ever, I don’t need to take it from fellow adoptees…or fellow anythings. I don’t dish it out, I don’t want to take it.

Break time…

Right after I check on a few more things. Really, just a few more things.

I had to look up the correct spelling of Leper.

via Only U.S. leper colony faces uncertain future : Scientific advances, budget cuts could close the Louisiana facility. – Los Angeles Times.

So I found the above interesting article. Also, I know how to spell what I feel like. I joined a group for adoptees and paid 5o bux to do so. They have a facebook group that they added me to. The thing is (there is always a thing isn’t there?) I feel like I’m being stopped in a junior high hallway without a hall pass. I thought I’d share some of my updates and ask a question (like all the cool members do) I was met with “Are you a member?” Yes i gave you money and we talked back and forth. My facebook addy is the same as my email so there shouldn’t be any confusion there. I didn’t say all that, I simply said “Yes”. Then I was met with “Did you post to our group?” uh, you’re reading it, right? But no, I answered “This is the right group isn’t it?” No answer. In fact, no response from anyone. I went through and read the other members post and they were all met with friendly responses and helpful/supportive replies. Mine seemed to fit in ok but for some reason, i was shunned like a leper. So I paid to be an outcast. A horrible outcast to which should be shunned. I deleted my post along with the comments. I have no idea what the heck the group is for and why only certain people can post. I wonder if there is anyone else who gets this? if not, it’s nice to be unique but I’d prefer to at least know the reason. If it’s a clique than they shouldn’t charge new members. I have no idea what to think. I must have over looked some social cue. I shouldn’t have to (nor should anyone else) be that careful. Walk on eggshells and do detective work in order to properly post in a FB group? Really? I’m feeling a tad sensitive perhaps. The last place you’d think you’d get this is an adoptee group. Don’t we encounter enough of this in other areas of life? Do we have to get this within an adoptee group? It should be some form of safe haven. I can go anywhere to be rejected, I don’t need to take it there lol I’ll get over it, of course, but I’m somewhat of an introvert to begin with. Blatant rejection for no apparent reason or for mere sport doesn’t set well.

Speaking of being a reject……..:-)

My Search

I got a good 2nd cousin match 204 shared cM. Since she is a live person and may want to shun me later at some time lol I will refer to her as BigW. She is a pro genealogist. She emails back here and there but I try not to pester her too much. She did express after comparing “our in common with” matches and so forth that she felt it would be between two son’s of her great aunt’s. i can’t seem to find them per se but I did figure out that her great Aunt is only a half sib of her grandmother. A person who knows DNA better than I do (as does most of the world I fear) took a look and decided we can exclude her paternal grandfather because of our x matches on the chromo browser. Also note BigW and I both only did Family Finder (FF) on FTDNA. So we were down to 3 of her grandparents. We still don’t know if we are looking for my mother or father at this point. Nor do we know if it’s her paternal grandmother or one of her maternal grandparents (both). It is likely, accordiing to her that my Father is coming from one of her Great Half aunt’s sons.

I’ve been playing around with my matches. My next highest matches 72cM down to about 65cM do not match BigW. I’m going through and making notes on certain things such as an Unknown Father, Adoptees and NYS. Alot of surnames show up in my matches. The problem is, if my highest match is my father than the mother could be anyone. Another thing is no one has ties to Syracuse except one that could be my grandmother (if it’s the right identity) She had left to stay with her aunt and uncle at the age of 16. They did live in Syracuse and it’s a common name of REED. She would have had just enough time to give birth to a child that had just enough time to have one of my parents in the 1930’s. That is a complication right there. One, it gets rid of the two boys (which would be older sibs to this person) and two, The baby she had would have been out of wedlock and most likely relinquished. No name. But, DNA. This child or it’s offspring would not have name attached to any tree of theirs. Even a census would show only the new legal name. If the child was on a census under “border” it would still be that families census name.

It would be hard for a family to miss a female family member with 4 children even if she gave up the fifth. However, any male family member could go out and make a baby or two. Easy to miss with that. That is why everyone feels it must be a male in their family.

My matches that don’t match her don’t necessarily mean they are my opposite parent’s line. Or does it? That is the data I’m playing around with right now and I’ll tell you, I’m confused to say the least. When it becomes clear, something throws off what ever theory i develop. I am reading and understanding DNA itself more and more. The genealogy is just as confusing with the way people record events. Dates names and places are sometimes off. Hard to get good documentation at times AND connect to trees and so forth.

When I get a little further i’m going through my notes (old skool notebooks) and I’m putting together a private tree. I’ll take it public for a few minutes at a time to get “hints” then make it private again. It will be called “The Iffy Family Tree” that will help. These people i’m dealing with are not fellow adoptees in search so I have to be careful. They may be birth families in hiding for all I know. The ones doing genetic genealogy though should be pretty welcoming. But not definitely so. One of my 3rd cousins seems to also think it’s my father that connects us BUT she does not match BigW or anyone I have in common with her. This 3rd cousin we will call WAGNER. She was very helpful, even sending me a file to keep handy to look for 4th cousin names. She even matched me on myorigins and provided a possible reason for my 2% Turkish thing. She is 4%. Which she has closer ties to the Dutchman that did it lol WAGNER actually emailed me before I had even seen my results so I feel more welcomed to ask her questions as they come up.

Very interesting stuff. My GEDMATCH is F373715 but I can still only do one on one. So anyone, feel free to one on one me. 🙂 I’m waiting on that and I had also done a nat geo test and am waiting on it. I will have it transfered to FTDNA and I’m not sure if Gedmatch does that one or not. That may help with the maternal side and figuring out what side is what. I’m very new to having a family, calling anyone Cousin (feels good no matter how distant), DNA and genealogy. I’m learning but slowly. I have to get things straight in my head at times. I feel like life is just there to break my concentration. I get it so clear in my head and I’m on a roll and then it just fizzles sometimes. Like what was I thinking again? And there is absolutely no one offline that I can explain certain problems/dilemmas to. They run like that comedy sketch I seen years ago “OMG, it’s MATH!! RUN!!” lol

I feel so much closer. I at least feel that in my children’s lifetime if they pursue this, they will find their grand parents. I have REED PORTER KETCHAM WEST WHAM RICE WEBB RUT CLARK KENT and RUT in abundance as far as ancestral surnames. I have found no one who matches my mother as far as her lifespan 1934-1967. There isn’t a lot from NY either. Doesn’t mean anything yet.

I’m thinking of having a couple of my kids tested. The boys will go back to their own father’s family so that won’t do me much good on the ydna. But maybe my daughters? With FF I know they have at least half me in them all so maybe we can compare plus it would be nice to have a known relative on there.